For the Sake of Jake

By Christine Torres
Copyright March, 2001

PART ONE  - Jake

He woke up shivering.  He opened his eyes and blinked in the pouring rain.  It had been raining steadily the whole night, and his fur was soaked clear through.  He got up and walked a few steps toward the door of the house, a sliding glass door that looked out onto the muddy back yard.  He hesitated, shivered again, then took another step toward the house before the chain attached to his collar stopped him.  

His stomach growled loudly.  He looked longingly at his food bowl, just a few feet from him, now filled with rain water.  His stomach growled again, and he padded wetly over to the bowl, hoping a drink of the cold water would ease his hunger.  A noise from the house caused him to jerk his head up in hope… and alarm.  He saw the woman standing at the door looking out at him.  Her hand reached for the door handle, and then suddenly she jerked it back and moved away from the window.  The man appeared, scowling, and Jake’s heart beat faster.  If only the woman had come out to get him.  If only the man wasn’t there.  If only they would come to feed him.  But the man moved away too, and the curtains swung shut.

The rain continued to pour.  Jake shook himself, trying to get rid of that thick, wet feeling, but it did no good.  He was soaking wet again in a few minutes.  He padded softly around the yard, as far as the chain would reach, looking for a place to lie down.  He scratched at the muddy ground with his big puppy paws, but only succeeded in pulling up clumps of muck.  

He looked down at his paws, still much too big for his body.  He felt so clumsy and awkward.  The last time they had let him in the house he had bumped into tables and knocked over a lamp, and the man had dragged him out to the yard, yelling and hitting him over and over again.  That was days ago, Jake wasn’t sure how many.  Since then, the man had filled his bowl once with a handful of crunchy tasteless food, but Jake had been so hungry he had eaten it all in minutes without hardly chewing. 

His stomach growled again, thinking of his last meal, and he hung his head in misery.  He gave up looking for a comfortable spot and lay down where he was.  He closed his eyes and slipped into wet, muddy dreams.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

His own whimpering woke him up.  The rain had stopped and he was lying in a warm patch of sun.  He couldn’t remember the dream that woke him, but he had the uneasy feeling that the man was in it.  He got up and stretched his cramped muscles.  It had been a long time since he’d had a good long run.  His strong back leg muscles ached and he stretched them out behind him, one at a time, then shook himself all over.  Little chunks of dried mud flew all around him, though some clung stubbornly to his fur.  He couldn’t worry about that now, he had to check his food bowl.  He walked quickly over to the bowl, and sniffed around the edges hopefully, then sighed and walked away.  He’d have to ignore his growling stomach…. Again.  

Some time later he heard the sound of a car starting from the front of the house.  He lifted his head and his ears twitched.  The car drove off and then Jake heard the sound of the glass door sliding open.  He swung around toward the sound, lowering his head in a submissive stance.  

It was the woman, and she was carrying the bag that held his food!  He jumped up and charged over to her, only to be jerked back by the chain.  He hated that chain, he hated it!!  He was so hungry - he whimpered and shivered in anticipation, his mouth watered, he strained at the chain.  The woman emptied the rain water out of his bowl and filled it with food.  Food!  He jumped and whined, and flipped his head, trying to get free of the chain.  She came over to him and spoke in soft tones at first.  She fumbled with the chain at his collar, trying to free him, but he couldn’t hold still to help her.  He wanted free, he wanted that food, he couldn’t stop wiggling and squirming.  The woman finally lost patience with him and smacked him hard across the top of his head.  That got his attention, and fearing worse, he crouched down and held still.  She finally managed to undo the chain and he bolted over to the food bowl, oblivious to everything except the wonderful glorious tasteless food!

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

He looked up from the bowl, still licking around the edges of his muzzle for any stray crumbs, and realized the woman had gone back inside.  She had gone back inside and hadn’t put the chain back on him!  He couldn’t believe his luck.  After one more sniff at the empty bowl, just in case he’d missed anything, he began to explore the edges of the yard.

There was no grass, but there was a small tree in one corner, which he took advantage of, sniffing all around its base before finally lifting his leg.  He sniffed along the edges of the fence, finding nothing of interest until he got to the gate.  There he smelled something enticing… something that beckoned to him… another dog.  Then he heard the snuffling from the other side of the gate.  The stranger was right over there, right on the other side of the gate!  He whuffed once softly, then again, louder.  He was about to bark again, when he remember how the man had beaten him before for barking, and he stopped himself.  The stranger moved along the fence and Jake followed along on his side… back and forth, snuffling and sniffing.  And then the stranger offered his challenge.  He lifted his leg and peed on the base of the gate!!!  Unthinkable!  Unacceptable!  Jake ran in a circle and then back to the gate, where the trespasser had left his mark.  Another small circle, faster this time, and back to the gate…. Out to the middle of the yard, and this time Jake ran at the gate full speed.  Just before he reached it, he launched himself over the gate in one mightly manful leap.  

He landed rather awkwardly, but never having jumped over a gate before, he was still proud of himself.  He looked around, stunned at what he had done and where he was.  The Outside World!  He felt a joy that he’d never felt in all his sad puppy life.  He looked for the stranger and saw a fluffy tail disappearing around the corner.  He was torn.  He had to follow, but he had business to attend to first.  He trotted over to the gate, found the spot, and marked it with his own scent.  There, that’ll show him, he thought.  

That taken care of, Jake turned and ran off after the strange dog.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

He spent several hours exploring the neighborhood.  He and the other dog had traveled together for awhile, until they had arrived at a house, where the stranger went right up to the front door, barking and scratching at it until a man came and let him in.  Jake had gazed at the closed door for a moment, and then continued with his exploration of the neighborhood until he finally found himself back in front of his own house.  He felt a moment of alarm when he saw the car in the driveway, and turned to run away.  But he was too late.  The man came rushing out the front door and grabbed his collar, jerking it tight and pulling up and up until Jake’s front paws were lifted off the ground.  The man’s face was close and his loud, harsh voice made Jake’s ears ring.  He couldn’t understand all the words, but the repeated phrase “bad dog” didn’t bode well.  

Jake’s body began trembling.  He knew he was in for it.  He tried to pull away, but the man held him tight.  He was jerked and dragged in the front door, through the house, and out into the back yard.  His collar was once again attached to the hated chain, and he took a few deep breaths, hoping that would be the end of it.  But the man grabbed a shovel leaning against the side of the house and brought it down on Jake’s back with a sharp crack.  He collapsed onto his belly, yelping at the pain that spread through him.  Again the shovel came down, and again, this time on his head, and Jake tried to roll away.  The next blow came sideways and the edge of the shovel sliced his back leg. Yelping, blood dripping from his leg, he gave up trying to get away.  The shovel came down again on his skull and he fell down, unconscious.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

He drifted in and out of consciousness for some time.  He was dimly aware of the woman bringing him food, but he couldn’t get up to eat it, even as hungry as he was.  The man didn’t come out at all.  Jake felt loneliness filling him up, like a darkness that crept into the corners of his whole self.  His leg ached, and his heart ached.  He craned his head around to lick the wound on his leg, trying to clean it gently, but even so, he whimpered and yelped, and finally gave up.  He put his head down and drifted away again.

In his dreams he was with his mother and brothers and sisters.  He smelled his mother’s warm comforting milky fur.  He was very small, and he burrowed his head under her, just for the sheer safe comfort of it.  Her milk was always there for him, he was never hungry, and he could fall asleep snuggled up to the warmth of his brothers and sisters, without fear.  He wished that he didn’t have to wake up.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

The man was talking to someone across the fence.  He was standing at the edge of the yard talking to someone Jake couldn’t see.  Their voices didn’t sound angry, but he heard his name several times and his ears perked up.  He was wary any time the man was in the yard.  He wished he could understand what they were saying.  He always tried so hard to understand what they wanted of him, and he had learned the hard way that the words were the key.  The man had spent some time with him when he first came to live here.  He would repeat words over and over again.  Words like SIT and LIE DOWN.  At first Jake didn’t know that those words meant anything, but the man had showed him by pushing him, and hitting him when he didn’t respond fast enough.  He had learned what SIT meant, but he’d gotten pretty bruised before he finally figured it out.  He had even learned that the man liked it when he sat and raised up one paw.  Jake didn’t understand why.  

The voice on the other side of the fence sounded warm and friendly.  But Jake heard the man say the words BAD DOG and Jake grew afraid.  He lowered his head and pretended to be asleep.  After a while the man went back into the house and Jake relaxed enough to really sleep.

A little while later the woman came and spoke to him.  She moved his food bowl closer to him and encouraged him to eat.  She put out a hand to touch his head and he flinched, afraid and unsure if he was going to get hit again.  That seemed to make her mad.  She withdrew her hand and said something in a sharp voice.  Not knowing what to do, Jake cowered low on the ground, shivering, making himself as submissive as possible in hopes she would be kind.  But she stood and walked quickly back to the house.  Jake waited a moment, listening to be sure he was alone.  Then he shifted his weight to make his leg more comfortable and hungrily ate his food.

A few days later, the man came into the yard.  He had someone else with him, someone Jake had never seen before, but it sounded like the voice on the other side of the fence.  They came over to Jake, who immediately went down into a crouch.  He held still and watched them from the corner of his eyes, but the man didn’t come any closer.  Their voices went back and forth, and again Jake heard his name mentioned, along with the words BAD DOG.  He held still and waited.  The two men shook hands, and the stranger came over to Jake and undid the chain from his collar.  In place of the chain, he attached a short leather leash, but he didn’t jerk it or pull hard.  He gently touched the top of Jake’s head and said two words Jake recognized - COME ON.  Unsure what was happening, and desperate to please, he walked alongside the stranger-man.  To his surprise, the stranger-man led him through the house and out the front door!

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

They didn’t go far… just down the block and around the corner.  Jake recognized the smells - this was the house where his dog friend lived.  And they were going up to the front door, they were going right in.  No sooner had they gotten inside the door than they were surrounded by three barking dogs, all eager to check out the new arrival.  There was his friend, wagging his tail and saying hello, and there was a smaller female who jumped up and down, trying to get in on the action.  The third, bigger and older than the others,  growled warningly when Jake sniffed at him.  The stranger-man hustled the three out the door and into the back yard and closed the sliding glass door.  This confused Jake.  They were outside and HE was inside!  What was going on here?  They all stood at the door for a moment nose to nose through the glass, and then Jake turned to follow the stranger-man into the kitchen.  

He listened to the stranger-man’s voice talking to him, and tried to understand the words, but suddenly his whole attention was drawn to a delicious smell.  Oh, yes, that was a GOOD smell.  The stranger-man was scooping something into a small bowl that smelled SO good… Jake’s mouth began to water.  He couldn’t believe his good luck when the stranger-man put the bowl down on the floor in front of him.  He hesitated, looked at the man.  Could this really be true?  The man gestured to the bowl, and Jake, needing no more encouragement, gobbled that food down in no time at all!

When he was done eating he scouted around the rooms of the house, cautiously, not quite believing that he was inside, and not wanting to bump into any tables and make the stranger-man angry.  He smelled the dog-smell everywhere in the house, and realized that these dogs were in the house a lot.  They must be really happy here!  He found a blanket in the corner of one room that smelled of the female, and he burrowed his head into it.  He pulled and scratched at it with his paw and then got down onto his belly and literally buried himself under it.  This was almost as good as the dreams of mother!  His eyes began to close.  Although he was still wary of his new surroundings, he was too tired and full of good food to resist sleep.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

* * * * * *
There was a light knock at the door.  Stephen set his guitar down and went to let Sarah in.  She was late for rehearsal… again.  He sighed with exasperation as she breezed into the room, sweeping off her backpack and running a hand through her curly brown hair.  

“Sorry I’m late,” she said.  “On the way over I had to stop and pick some of these.”  She held out a handful of spring wildflowers.  She turned to greet the three dogs scrambling around her legs, ruffling ears and scratching under chins, each in turn, “Hello my sweets, oh Sammy-face, yes hello to you too… well, now, who’s this?” as she spotted Jake quivering in the far corner of the room.  She started to move toward him, but stopped as he cowered away from her.  Her brows furrowed - she turned to Stephen questioningly.  

“This is Jake”, he said.  “He used to live next door, but I conned the guy into letting me have him.  You wouldn’t believe what this poor dog has been through.  I just couldn’t take it anymore.  No dog deserves to be treated that way.”

“What, tell me.” 

Stephen gave her a brief run-down on what he knew of Jake’s short life.  The neglect he’d seen, the beatings he had heard from the other side of the fence, Jake’s life on the end of a chain.  “Not only that,” he went on, “I’m not totally sure, but I don’t think he had a vet bob Jake’s tail.  I think he did it himself with an axe.  You can feel how uneven the stub is.”  

“Oh my god,” Sarah gasped.  “Why would he do that?”

“I think he was just cheap.  He told me he bought Jake because he’s a papered Australian Shepherd and they’re supposed to be real smart.  I think he thought he could be a show dog or something, but he has no clue how to train a dog.  He’s a first-rate asshole.  Poor pup’s got old scars on his back and legs.  I’ll bet the jerk never once took him to a vet to have those looked at.  And he was totally infested with fleas and ticks.  I had to give him two baths and shave all his fur before I could get him free of them.  It was disgusting.”

Sarah groaned.  She hated stories like this.  It broke her heart.  She knelt down and held out a hand to Jake, called his name softly.  He just quivered and lowered his head, looking at her out of the corner of his eyes.  She got up and walked over to him, squatted down next to him and murmured soft words of reassurance.  Jake immediately went all the way down to the floor.  

“Poor guy,” she said.  “Poor little man…”  She looked him over, noticed the new stitches on his back leg and turned to Stephen.  “What’s this?  Stitches?”

Stephen glanced around from the keyboard where he was setting up for their rehearsal.  His face clouded over with anger.  “The asshole hit him with something, I don’t know what, but it sliced through the fur and cut him pretty bad.  I took him to the vet and had him stitched.”  He turned back to the keyboard and sighed.  “The problem is, now that I’ve got him here, I don’t know what to do with him.  I can’t keep him… I’ve already got these three monsters, and I don’t think Sam can adjust to another male in the house.  They’ve gotten into two fights already and it’s only been a week.”

“Maybe they’ll work it out,” Sarah said, as she came over to take her place at the keyboard.  “Maybe one will establish dominance and they’ll learn to live together.”

“Maybe, but do I really want four dogs?”  He looked around the room at his menagerie.. “No, I’ve got to find him a good home.”  He looked at Sarah hopefully, but she shook her head.

“You know how Ron is.”  She looked over at Jake and frowned, obviously torn.  Then she shook her head again.  “No, I can’t.  I’m sorry.”

“No problem, I’ll find someplace for him.”  Stephen picked up his guitar and plugged in the amp cord.  “Ready to start?  Let’s do that new Whitney Houston tune.”

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Jake didn’t much like the loud sounds they were making.  Some of the high notes hurt his ears, but he couldn’t go in the other room with the other dogs.  He wanted to be near this new woman.  Something was drawing him to her, even through his fear.  He found himself inching closer and closer, stopping and watching, scooting a few more inches and stopping… until he finally found himself under her feet.  Her legs were dangling and swinging gently from the tall stool she sat on.  He lay under the keyboard stand and watched her swinging feet for a while.  She made no move toward him, didn’t speak to him, in fact, she didn’t seem to notice he was there.  But when he rolled over onto his back and shifted his body toward her, her toes grazed his belly ever-so gently, rubbing and scratching back and forth.  He sighed and closed his eyes.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Jake had been in this new place for almost three weeks.  He was slowly getting used to it. But he was still the new dog in the house, and he kept expecting things to go bad at any minute.  He did his best to lay low.  He moved around the house very carefully, avoiding tables and lamps. He watched the other dogs with the man, envious of how easy and free they were with him.  He never jumped up on the bed with the other dogs when the man went to bed.  He would curl up in a corner of the bedroom and watch, wishing he had the nerve to join in the wrestling fun on the bed.  After they’d all settled down to sleep he would tuck his head under the blanket the man left on the floor for him, breathing in the dog smell until he finally fell asleep.  

The man fed him well, and never hit him.  Every so often he would take them all in the back of his old van to a park, where they could run and roll in the grass.  Jake loved those days.  He would leap out of the van, smelling the good air and grass and earth. Something in him would break free and he would run and run and run.   

But despite the good moments, Jake never quite felt like he belonged.  He didn’t own the man the way the other dogs did, although he never thought of it that way.  He didn’t really understand what he was feeling.  He just knew something was missing, some feeling he wanted to have.  

The other dogs accepted him in a casual sort of way, well, all except the big one… Sam.  Sam was obviously the leader of this pack.  He was old and almost blind, but he was always the first to eat, the first to greet the man at the door, the first to join the man on the bed at night.  Jake didn’t mind this situation.  He didn’t feel the need to be first, but there were some awkward moments when Sam left some food in his bowl, and Jake’s ever-rumbling stomach drew him to it.  Oh yes, he learned the hard way not to mess with Sam’s bowl.

Several times each week the new woman would come over, and each time he got a little bolder with her.  He found himself responding to her knock at the door with an excited anticipation that was new to him.  He always waited in the background until the others had said hello, his stub wagging and his heart pounding, waiting for her to notice him.  And she always did, she always broke free from the crowd of dogs and came to him.  When she knelt on the floor and talked softly to him, looking directly into his eyes,  he wanted so badly to crawl into her lap.  He wanted to lick her face, put his paws up on her, jump up and down.  Of course, he did none of these things.  He knew better.  Those things might make her angry, she might stop liking him, or worse, she might hit him.  He just sat quietly, hanging his head, wishing she’d never stop scratching his chin.  And when she and the man started making those awful noises, he would lie beneath her swinging feet and let her toes graze his belly.  For those moments of dog heaven, he would have put up with any amount of screeching noises.

PART TWO - Sarah

Sarah liked living in a small town most of the time.  There was only one thing about small town life that troubled her.  It was much harder to hide.

Thankfully none of their friends were the prying types.  They looked away when her bruises showed, although she was very careful to try to hide them.  And she busily filled the awkward silent pauses with cheerful chatter, making sure that none but the most aggressive person would ever ask questions or pry past her walls.

She buried the bottles in the bottom of the garbage bags, carefully packed them between other things to avoid the telltale clinking, and tightly tied the bags shut, so no nosy neighbor would see or hear the evidence of Ron’s drinking.  

She knew her counselor would say she was enabling him.  Covering up for him.  In the small moments of quiet, in the wee hours of the morning, she would lie awake and wonder at herself.  How had she come to this… a life mostly hidden, a life of lies.  

Sometimes in those quiet moments, she would even admit the truth.  She was a battered wife, married to an abusive alcoholic.  But then she’d laugh a bitter laugh and give herself a mental shake and tell herself not to be so dramatic.  It wasn’t really that bad.  And it wasn’t very often.  And they were only small bruises, after all, in moments of rage he always regretted so deeply.  She knew he loved her.  It was just when he drank too much, that’s all.  If he would only stop the drinking.

Her counselor of the past year said the word was co-dependence.  She’d read all the books and even gone to a couple of Al-Anon meetings, but nothing seemed to help.

She was caught in the web of her life with Ron.  And even though she sometimes raged at him and blamed him, mostly she knew it was her own fault.  The litany would begin, and she’d be drawn downward into the black hole of her own self-loathing…

“Coward.  Weakling.  Victim!!  Don’t you just love feeling sorry for yourself?  Are you proud of the way you live?  Why don’t you just leave him?”

Every time he hurt her she would try, she’d get angry and vow to leave.  But then he’d turn into the soft, scared, very contrite little boy that she couldn’t say no too.  For a while he’d hold to his promise not to drink.  But then they’d slowly slip back into the same old patterns.  

It was a merry-go-round, she thought, and she was tired of seeing the same old scenery go around again and again.  She just didn’t know how to get off.

Things had grown worse over the last two years.  Desperation, that’s what had started it for her.  Desperation and knowing she would never be able to have children with Ron.

* * * * * *

She’d been teaching at the same elementary school for 5 years and she’d started to feel edgy, needing a change.  She finally realized she was hearing her biological clock ticking.  She knew Ron wasn’t ready to be a father though.  He could barely keep a part-time job.  And besides, the thought of raising a child while he was still drinking was … repulsive.  Unthinkable.

She’d grown up in a household of drinkers.  Her grandfather had been the worst of them, and somehow in between her mother’s attempts at marriage, they always ended up back at the grandparent’s house.  Alcoholic storms and creepy nighttime terrors were the norm.  She and her brother shared a room and had been able to comfort each other somewhat, huddling together to keep out the noise and the smell and the fear.  But then they’d gone to live with father number four, and he’d insisted they were too old to share a room.  At 3 and 4, they were given their own bedrooms, and “daddy” shortly showed his true agenda in his late night visits to Sarah’s room.

Creeping in, he’d quietly close the door and settle next to her on the bed.  Leaning close, she smelled the liquor reek and felt his hands pulling down the covers…

It was impossible for her, even now, to make love with Ron when he’d been drinking.  The smell on his breath would nauseate her and she’d freeze up.  She just couldn’t respond.  And then he’d get angry and call her frigid, and usually end up storming out to finish off a bottle, and she’d find him in the morning, passed out on the couch.

Given the state of their sex life, Sarah doubted they’d be able to conceive a child, even if all the other factors had been different.  In fact, the obstacles were stacked so high that she became seriously depressed.  She spent six months in deep darkness, barely able to function.  When she found herself seriously considering different methods of suicide, she decided to go get some help.  She started going to a counselor who, over the last year, had helped her to slowly begin to stand upright again.

********
Sarah looked at herself in the mirror as she pulled on her jacket.  It was almost time for rehearsal and she wanted to walk to Stephen’s and get some exercise.  She’d lost some weight.  Her face looked a little bit gaunt, she realized with a shock.  Well, things had been tense, she’d been under a lot of stress.  Nevertheless, when she looked in her eyes in the mirror, she saw excitement there.  She finally had something to look forward to.

During the winter months, with the encouragement of her counselor, she’d begun taking a class at the local community college.  One night a week she drove to the campus for a basic computer course, which she found interesting.  But mostly it got her out of the house and made her feel like she was doing something for herself.  

After class she sometimes didn’t want to go home and deal with Ron, so she started stopping at a little bar on the way.  She would sit and nurse a drink and listen to the band – a duo really, two guys with a guitar, keyboards, and some kind of electric drums.  Wednesday night was open mike night, and it was fun to watch and listen… sort of a “live” karaoke bar.  Sometimes she fantasized getting up there herself.

One night she ordered a shot of tequila and took the plunge.  She got up and sang an old Patsy Cline tune she knew and loved, and as scared as she was, she let herself get lost in the song, giving it all the heart she could.  And when she finished, the audience in the little bar cheered and clapped and whistled.  She made her way back to her seat with much back thumping and hand shaking.  It was like a feast for her starved ego.  She went back every week after that, until the class ended.  She couldn’t figure out how to go back after that.  She would have had to tell Ron, or maybe even take him with her.  The thought of him there, with the very real possibility that he’d get drunk and make a scene and spoil everything, was more than she could bear.

The opportunity presented itself when some of the teachers at her school suggested a girl’s night out.  She hated herself for sneaking around like that, but she told Ron she would be joining them, and then she went off by herself to the little bar up the road, lashing herself with guilt the whole time.

“This is stupid,” she told herself.  “It’s not like I’m having an affair or anything.  Why am I so afraid?”

She had to finally face her fear though, when a most wonderful, magical, impossible thing happened.

One member of the duo was going to Europe for the summer, and a replacement was needed.  Stephen approached her and asked her if she’d be interested in a summer job.  Sarah had just stared in shock at first.  A job?  She would have practically offered to pay HIM for the chance, but he was offering to pay her, actually PAY her to sing with him.  It was a dream come true… too perfect to be believed.  She wouldn’t have to teach summer school, yet again, she would be out of the house and busy, and singing!!  She couldn’t believe her good luck.  

As they were talking rehearsal times and song lists, she realized the enormity of what she was doing.  What would Ron say?  This was not just some little thing she could hide.  This would have to be dealt with.  And he would want to know how it all came to be.  She would have to confess that she’d been going to the bar for months without telling him.  For a moment she couldn’t breathe.  She almost backed out at that moment.  She almost told Stephen she couldn’t do it.  But then the desire for it rose up again, as intense as the fear, and more so.  She would find a way to deal with it.  She wanted this so bad!!

After many days and several counseling sessions, she finally told Ron.  She tried to make it seem a casual thing, as if it really didn’t mean anything.  She’d chosen her moment carefully.  He wasn’t drunk.  They were out to dinner at a crowded family restaurant.  And his reaction was nothing at all like she feared.  His main concern seemed to be that it WAS only for the summer, right?  She wasn’t going to be quitting her well-paying teaching job with the medical benefits that covered him as well.  Of course not, it was just a 3 month gig, she said, just a fun summer job.

Over the next few days she waited tensely for signs of a coming explosion, but everything seemed fine.  She began to relax.

She and Stephen started their rehearsals and the first few sessions seemed promising.  She realized this was all having a positive effect on her when one evening, as she was getting ready to go to rehearsal, Ron started a mid-drunk complaint session.  Instead of trying to stall his drinking, she listened sympathetically for a moment, and then kissed his cheek and breezed out the door, wishing him good luck and seeya after rehearsal!

It was the next day that the explosion finally came.  She should have known.  He’d gotten rip-roaring drunk, earlier in the evening than usual, and started questioning her about what they were doing at those rehearsals.  Instead of placating, she snapped back at him, and he exploded.  He accused her of being an unfaithful slut, of sleeping with everybody from her school principal to Stephen.  She made the mistake of laughing, and said “Don’t be stupid.”  She never saw the fist that caught her on the side of her head and sent her sprawling on the floor.  

When she woke up some time later he was gone.  She’d gathered some things and fled to her mother’s and spent the night crying and nursing a terrible headache.  Her mother, convinced she had a concussion, tried to get her to go to the hospital but she refused.  

Of course he showed up the next day, contrite.  He stood on her mother’s doorstep with head hanging and flowers, and he shed actual tears.  He was so sorry, he said, he really was.  And he promised not to drink anymore, he meant it this time.  It’s just that he loved her so much, and needed her so much.  When he got scared of losing her it made him crazy!  He promised, he promised to cut back on the drinking, if she’d only come back.

And so she went back.  And to try to keep peace, she took him to a couple of rehearsals.  When he realized they really were working, he got bored and went on home.  And for a while things were calmer.  But she could feel the tension mounting.  She was tired all the time.  Between teaching during the day, rehearsing at night, and trying to keep the peace at home she barely got any sleep.  Soon school would be out and she’d start actually performing on the stage with Stephen.  But for some reason, the excited anticipation of that day was overshadowed by some fear she couldn’t quite name.  

PART THREE – For the Sake of Jake

Jake lay on the floor watching the other dogs.  Sam was curled up near the man, the other two were snuffling at each other and cleaning themselves.  Jake could smell the leftover food in Sam’s bowl.  There was just a little snippet of beef left along the rim of the bowl.  He lay there for a while, his eyes traveling from the bowl to Sam, from Sam to the bowl again.  Finally, he decided to take the risk.  He rose and quietly padded over to it.  He glanced quickly at Sam once, and then lowered his head.  

He should have kept a better watch, he should have positioned himself so he could keep one eye on Sam.  That wasn’t very smart, but then, his experience with other dogs was very limited.  Sam may have been almost blind, but he seemed to have a kind of radar where his food bowl was concerned.  Before Jake could get that snippet of beef onto his tongue, he was knocked over by 120 pounds of snarling, growling fur and teeth.  He felt Sam’s jaws lock onto his throat, and fight-fever took over.  Sam was bigger and heavier, but Jake had powerful haunches.  He could out-run and out-jump any of the other dogs, and that gave him an advantage in this fight.  He shook off Sam’s teeth and jumped straight up, coming down almost on Sam’s back.  But Sam was no novice fighter.  He had been top dog for a long time, and with good reason.  Blind or not, he knew some tricks, and he wasn’t about to give up this fight.  He spun and wheeled, Jake’s feet went out from under him, and while he was recovering, Sam lunged in again.  

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Stephen shot across the room at the first sounds of the fight, but he could see that this one was different.  This one was serious.  Both dogs were intent, neither was going to back down.  He was afraid that Sam, old and blind, would eventually lose this fight, but he had to stop them before either dog got seriously hurt.  He tried to grab hold of a collar, a tail, anything to pull them apart, but they were moving too fast and furious.  They hurled into an end table and the lamp went over with a huge crash.  They didn’t even seem to notice.  

The other dogs set up a loud barking, adding to the confusion.  The rubber tree in the corner was the next victim, the pot went flying, scattering dirt all over the floor.  Stephen heard Sam yelp and howl.  Sam was down, Jake’s teeth gripping his neck.  Stephen gave up trying to grab them, dashed out the back door and grabbed the hose.  He twisted the nozzle on full force and turned it on them.  Sam immediately tried to pull away, but for a frozen moment, Jake refused to let go.  Stephen directed the spray of water right into Jake’s face and finally he let go.  

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Jake lowered himself to the floor, his whole body shaking.  There was a huge scrape along his ribs, and a notch missing from his left ear, but other than that, he was unhurt.  But as the power and fight-fever left his body, he knew something was terribly, terribly wrong.  This shouldn’t have happened.  Something bad was going to come of this, and Jake knew with a certainty that the bad thing would happen to him.  

He risked a glance at the man, who was standing in the middle of the room, still holding the dripping hose.  The man said nothing.  Jake shivered, and waited for the storm to hit.  

Stephen knelt and examined Sam’s neck.  It really wasn’t much of a wound.  Just a little break in the skin, a little blood.  He sighed and looked at Jake, cowering in the corner.  It was hard to match the quivering body there with the fighting hellion he’d just seen.  He knew he’d have to make a decision.  Jake and Sam might eventually work things out between them, but at what cost?  Sam had been with him a long time, he was old and blind.  Was it fair to bring this challenge into the house during Sam’s last years?  

Well, he sighed again, first things first.  He rose and went to the sliding glass door and tossed the hose back outside.  Then he called to Jake, gesturing outside. 

Jake had no trouble understanding the command.  He was being banished to the outside again.  The man would close the door on him.  He hesitated, shivering, took a few steps toward the door, then stopped.  He didn’t want to go outside.  He didn’t want to be banished.  And he really didn’t want to have to move past the man to get through the door.  He fully expected the man’s foot to kick him as he went past.  He lowered himself to the floor, hoping the judgment would be taken back.  But the man called him again, louder and angrier, “Jake, outside!”  Jake took a few more hesitant steps toward the door, then darted as fast as he could past the man to the relative safety of the back yard.  He turned and watched with sinking heart as the man closed the glass door.  He heard with terrible finality, the last CLICK of the latch.  He knew his new home was no more.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Sarah was sleeping.  It had been a rough night.  She’d returned home from rehearsal that afternoon to find Ron in a snit, complaining about her never being home, her lack of support.  They’d gotten into a big fight, lasting late into the night, and she’d finally given up and gone to bed.  She’d fallen into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning and dreaming.

In her dream, she heard a noise at the front door.  A small scratching sound.  She opened the door to find a friendly looking black dog standing there.  The dog said, perfectly clearly, “Can Rika come out and play?”  She stood and stared, and the dog trotted into the house.  Rika, the little collie they’d had 3 years ago, came around the corner and the two greeted each other happily.  

“Sarah, wake up,” 

She felt herself being shaken.  The dream faded, she rolled over and saw Ron leaning across the bed.  “Wake up,” he said again. “The weirdest thing just happened.”

A sort of tingle went up the back of her neck.  She sat up, rubbing her neck.  “What, what’s the matter?”  

“I heard something at the front door, so I opened it, and this dog just walked in the house.  It looks like maybe a doberman or something, and I didn’t know what to do.  It didn’t attack or anything, just waltzed on in like he owned the place.  I didn’t know what to do.  I coaxed him into the garage with a piece of bologna and left him there.”

Sarah’s mouth dropped open and for a moment she wondered if she was still dreaming.  Then she jumped out of bed and ran to the door connecting the kitchen to the garage.  

“Sarah, wait!” Ron hollered.  “You don’t know this dog.  He could be dangerous!”

But she knew, she just knew who it was.  She threw open the door, and sure enough, there stood Jake, wagging his stubby little tail.  She chuckled and squatted down, holding out her hand to him.  He hesitated only a moment, then swept forward past the outstretched hand and directly into her arms.  Her lap.  His whole body and her whole body, he couldn’t stop himself.  She lost her balance and fell backwards onto the floor with Jake on top of her.  Jake felt a moment of fear then, but she just laughed and hugged him close, scratching and rubbing and kissing his head.  He nuzzled his face into her chest, breathing her smell.  That smell, he found it, he’d found her.  That smell he had followed elusively to this house.  He had followed his nose, and his nose had followed his heart, leading him to where he wanted to be.   He sighed deeply, giving himself up completely to this moment of pure happiness.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Sarah desperately hoped things would work out.  She and Ron had argued for an hour before he finally gave up and let her go back to bed.

“We can’t keep him!  Dogs do nothing but make a mess, he’ll trash the house!” he’d shouted at her as she retreated into the bedroom, Jake trailing close behind her.

She knew he was right, but she kept thinking of her dream, and felt that strange tingling up the back of her neck again.  She looked at Jake, sitting quietly beside the bed, watching her.  He seemed to be waiting for her decision.  She smiled at him and reached out to scratch his ears.  His ingrained instincts made him cringe and duck away from her hand, and that small move helped her make up her mind.   

He was a broken soul, dog or not, and she couldn’t have abandoned him if she’d wanted to.  She’d just have to find a way around Ron’s objections.  One step at a time.  

“I promise not to hurt you,” she said softly.  “You came here for a reason.  I think it’s meant to be.  How did you find me, in the middle of the night?  You’ve never been here before.  You must have an incredible nose!”

She held out her hand slowly this time, palm upward and Jake laid his chin in it.  Then he lifted his right paw and set it gently on her wrist.  She laughed and shook the offered paw.  “Ok, then,” she said, “That seals the deal.”

She patted the bed next to her and after a moment’s hesitation, he jumped up and settled into a curl at the bottom of the bed.  

She’d hoped Ron would come around and accept Jake.  He gave in, but grudgingly.  He listened when Sarah told him of Jake’s history, but he didn’t seem too affected.  Nevertheless, he said Jake could stay, under the condition that both dogs be kept outside most of the time.  Sarah was sure Jake wouldn’t like to live outside, and she didn’t want that either, but at least Ron had agreed to let him stay.  

She had a funny feeling about Jake.  It was as if he’d claimed a part of her heart and now lived there permanently.  That night and the next few days, he followed her around like a little shadow.  When she moved to another room, he moved with her.  He seemed to be unable to settle anywhere, until she climbed into bed. Then, assured that she’d be staying in one spot for a while, he could relax and lay down on the floor next to her side of the bed.  

She had called Stephen and told him about their midnight visitor.  He was relieved to know Jake was with her, and thrilled to find out she was going to keep him.  But those first few days were trying.  They’d taken Jake out to the back yard and left him there to see how he would take it.  He didn’t take it well.  After a moment, he realized Sarah wasn’t with him, and he simply leaped over the fence.

“We’ll just have to tie him up,” Ron had suggested.
“No!  No way.  No.  We’re not tying him up,” Sarah was adamant.

“Well, what do you suggest?  We’d have to build that fence up another two feet to keep him from jumping it.  Christ, I can’t believe it.  A dog that can clear a six foot fence in one leap.  Without even a running start!”

She begged Ron to try to understand, to give Jake some time to adjust to his new life.  She felt sure that eventually he’d feel safe and secure enough to stay in the yard.  Ron finally relented.  

“But if we come home and find he’s chewed up the couch or pooped all over the carpet, he’s out, dammit, I won’t stand for it!”

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

For Jake, those first few days in his new home were a whirlwind of new and old feelings.  He felt as though he walked a tightwire, his old expectations kept crowding in on his new life.  He had trouble believing he was safe and loved, and yet, he thought he was safe and loved.  At least with the woman.  His heart had led his nose to her, his heart said this was where he belonged, and yet, the man made him nervous.  He sometimes shouted and he never ruffled Jake’s fur or offered him treats and goodies like the woman did.

He was confused and unable to completely relax.  And when they put him outside and shut the window-door, all his old loneliness returned and burned under his ribs.  He couldn’t stand it, and he wouldn’t stand it, he knew how to leave now.  It was a quick jump for him, and away he would go.  Nobody would ever shut him out again!

One afternoon, Jake lay by the front door, nose between his paws, waiting for the woman to return from wherever she had gone.  Sometimes she came back smelling of the old home, and the other dogs, and that made him a little jealous.  He’d been waiting there by the door for a long time.  He heard the man moving around behind him, but he didn’t pay much attention.  Then he heard the man pick up the jangle of things that meant he’d be leaving in the car.  He stood up and moved into the hallway so the man could go by him without touching him.  He always tried to give the man a wide berth.

But instead of going out the door, the man went to the window-door and opened it.  When he called Jake’s name, Jake backed up further into the hallway.  The man called again, louder.  Jake trembled.  Then he heard the man’s footsteps tromping through the living room, and he knew what was coming.  He shrank back toward the wall and down to the floor.  The closer the man got, the lower Jake cowered, but it didn’t save him.  He felt the man grip the fur at the back of his neck.  He tried to stay down, stay heavy, stay limp, but the man lifted him and shook him and yelled.  He dragged him to the window-door and threw him out into the dirt.

Jake waited until he heard the sound of the car leaving, and then he made his escape.  Over the fence he leapt, and without knowing where he was going, he ran full-speed down the street.  His heart was boiling, his stomach was churning.  As he ran, his paws on the ground beat out his litany, “never again, never again”.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Sarah came home to an empty house.  She checked the back yard and found Rika snoozing in the shade, but no sign of Jake.  Ron’s car was gone, but she found it hard to believe Jake would go with him in the car.  Then again, if Jake were afraid enough, or coaxed in just the right way, she supposed it was possible.  She didn’t know Jake well enough to predict how he would react in all situations.

She wandered around the neighborhood for a while, calling his name, but soon gave up and went back to the house to wait.  When Ron came home she asked him where Jake was and what had happened.  Ron just shrugged and said, “I had to go out, so I put him outside.  I guess he’s gone.”

She stared at him for a long moment, not quite able to believe the coldness she was seeing on his face.  Then her rage exploded.

“How could you?” she yelled.  “How could you do that, you know he can’t stand being left out alone!”  

He just shrugged again and went to the refrigerator for a beer.  “I had to go out,” he said again.  “That’s life.  If he can’t take it, then we can’t keep him.”

“No,” she sputtered, “No, you can’t just be so cold, you can’t.  How could you do that?”

She grabbed the leash off the bookshelf and ran out the front door.  She had no idea where to start, but she was determined to find him.  The poor little guy, where could he have gone?  She walked to the park, calling and whistling, then backtracked and walked around to the highschool where they went sometimes when she wanted to run around the track.  There was no sign of him anywhere.  Then it occurred to her that he might have gone back to Stephen’s so she stopped at a 7-11 to use the payphone.

“No, haven’t seen him,” Stephen said.  “Do you want me to check the pound?”

“Not yet,” she said, “He’s only been gone a couple of hours, let me keep looking for a bit.”

She hung up and looked around, trying to decide where to go next.  

Where would I go if I were you? she thought.  Where would I run to?

She looked back toward the house, scanning the bit of park she could see, her eyes traveling to Lookout Mountain beyond.  Mountain was a bit of an exaggeration, but most people around here didn’t seem to know it was just a glorified hill.  But there were rabbits and other critters that ran there.  She felt a pull under her ribs and she just knew  Jake was over there somewhere.

She half-walked, half-jogged to the base of the mountain, stopping now and then to call Jake’s name.  When she reached the narrow winding road that led up to Lookout Point she left the concrete behind and went up the zigzagging dirt path...following the back way up to the peak.  About halfway up she saw him.  He was leaping and bounding down the mountain, probably chasing some little animal she couldn’t see.  She called to him but the wind was against her and her voice just got whipped back to her.

She turned and ran as fast as she could back down the switchback.  By the time she reached the bottom she was completely winded and red-faced and just a little irritated.  She stopped, panting, and rested her hands on her knees to try to catch her breath.  Then she saw him, trotting down the paved road seemingly without a care in the world.  

She stood up and called to him.  He stopped cold in the middle of the road and just looked at her.  He seemed not to recognize her, and there was fear in his eyes, a wariness in his stance.  Then to her surprise he turned and ran the other way!  

“Jake!” she yelled.  “Jake, come here!”  She started after him, but she’d only gone a few yards when she realized how silly it was.  She stopped and sat down, on the verge of tears.

“Jake”, she called again, though she doubted he could hear her.  But apparently he did.  He slowed, then stopped and turned to look at her again.  She dropped the leash and held out both her hands, palm upward.  The stayed like that for a long frozen moment, the woman supplicating, the dog evaluating.  

And then something changed, something clicked.  She saw it happen, she saw his body shift, and then suddenly he was running toward her, faster and faster.  He gathered so much speed, he couldn’t stop when he got to her and he ran past her, doubled back and ran circles around her, stubby tail wagging wildly.  She laughed and tried to reach for him, and he finally slowed and stopped in front of her.  She raised her hands and he slowly dropped his head into them.  When she kissed the top of his head, she felt as if they had crossed some huge barrier.  The bond she thought was there before was nothing compared to the huge caring swelling in her heart now.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

The returned to the house together, walking slowly.  Jake was reluctant to return to that house, where the man was, but he knew he would never leave the woman again.  Something had happened in his chest when he saw her sitting there on the ground.  It felt like an aching, and a hurting, a strange feeling that grew and finally broke, to make room for a new feeling.  The new feeling was something he had no word for, but Sarah would have called it courage.

When they neared the house he felt a moment of hesitation.  The new feeling faded briefly and he pulled back.  The woman looked down at him and said softly, “It’ll be ok, really.”  He looked up at her, pulled himself up tall and walked with her into the house.

The man immediately started yelling.  Jake couldn’t understand the words, but he heard himself referred to several times as that dog.  It was a bad feeling, the man had a bad smell on him. The woman spoke quietly at first, and Jake could tell she was scared.  The man got louder, and then the woman got a little louder.  Then the man took a step toward her and pounded on the wall.

Jake felt the growl as it was being born in his throat, and it surprised him as much as them.  Everything stopped for a moment.  The woman gasped and looked down at him.  The man stopped yelling and stared at him.  The growl died in his throat and he looked up at her, not sure if he was in trouble or not, but she called him to her and scratched him under the chin to reassure him.  He could still feel her fear, but she wasn’t mad at him.  He was glad, the noise had felt SO good coming out of him, but he didn’t want to make her mad.  There was a long moment of stunned silence, and then the man began yelling even louder, and the woman said something angry-scared back to him and the man took another step toward her.  Jake growled again.  He couldn’t help it, it just came out of him.

The woman turned and went toward the bedroom, calling Jake to go with her.  The man followed them into the bedroom, still yelling, and Jake turned to face him and growled again.  The man reached out toward Jake, but the woman said something and moved between them.  And that’s when the man hit her.  

He HIT her!  

Jake exploded.  He had no idea what he was going to do, he wasn’t thinking, he just HAD to attack.  His new feeling was bursting in his chest and he knew he HAD to protect the woman.  He dashed around the woman and lunged at the man, growling and snarling.  

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Sarah was holding her hand to her head.  Her ears were ringing from the blow, but she heard the sound of Jake’s explosion loud and clear.  She turned just in time to see him launching in Ron’s direction and Ron’s fist catching him on the head, mid-leap.  Jake went down and Ron grabbed him by the chain around his neck.  He twisted it and jerked it up, holding Jake upright, his back legs barely on the ground. 

“No!” Sarah shouted.  She threw herself at Ron with all her weight and managed to shove him hard enough to loosen his hold on Jake.  Then she grabbed Jake and held him next to her.  Ron looked at her, apparently shocked by her resistance.  

“A dog means more to you than I do,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

“Get out of here!” she shouted.  “Just get out of here!!!”

He turned and stormed out.  She waited until she heard his car leaving the driveway and then she collapsed on the bed and burst into tears.  Jake jumped up on the bed and lay next to her, trembling and whimpering.

“We did it, Jake,” she said through her tears.  “We did it.  You and me.  I never fought back before, I was too afraid.  But I could do it for you.”  She looked at his soft brown eyes and saw his devotion, and his new courage.  “I guess you did it for me, too, eh buddy?  We found courage to protect each other.”

She threw her arms around him and cried and cried.  Jake held still while her tears soaked his fur.  Occasionally he sniffed and licked her face, but mostly he just waited, while she cried.  She cried for what seemed like a long time, but when she was done, she felt different.  Something in her had shifted and she could never go back to the way she was before.  She couldn’t go on living here in this house with Ron and pretend everything was ok.  She was done cowering.

While Jake watched, she packed a few bags.  

And together, they moved out, and moved on, to a new life.