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I'm afraid. I'm always afraid. I'm afraid because of old experiences and from my current situation.
I will not put my head down and give up and slowly die. I will cry the pain from the old experiences, and re-focus my atten-tion from this world to a place where God and the Mother are.
(In very brief times during meditation, I have experienced a momentary lifting of fear and confusion when I "see" or "feel" God and the Mother together.)
But God and the Mother cannot help me place my attention on them. I must do this myself. I must pull myself up by my own mental boot straps by keeping my attention on them - continually, constantly, ongoing.
I don't see how this is possible while I function (and I must continue to function in the world), but I must. Brother Lawrence did it in "The Practice of the Presence of God." But he did not seem to be plagued by old terrors and the fear that is perpetually with the body because the body always dies.
Nevertheless, I will figure out how. This now becomes my all consuming, all encompassing goal.