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The Growth of Rage
pct - 06/16/03


At first it was a little thing.

A child
newborn
a toddler of anger,
small and sweet
shaking little fists.
A tantrum of milk and honey.

I came from its rapture to see you ... feel you
stern
forboding
forbidding

I didn't understand at first.
I didn't know.
How it could be.
When you took your love away.

And I fell into a dark grave.
And I learned.

so wrong
so wrong
my little anger.

And then it was a bigger thing.
No longer a child.
It had grown up, my anger,
and become something more

Rage.

As layer
upon layer
upon layer
my angers grew
and mounted
and piled high
and became an enormous dome
filled with buzzing bees

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

I came from its rapture to see you
feel you
angry
forboding
cold
unforgiving

I remembered.
And I knew
how it could be.
That you would take your love away.

And I fell into a dark grave.
I tried to learn.
But I seethed.

And it grew
layer upon layer
to a fullness of fury
a congestion
a tangle.

A little anger
grown
to rage
grown
and
grown
and
grown

to

hatred.

HATRED.

No child, this.
No harmless, sweet, fist-shaking.
Deadly.
Pernicious.
Toxic.

I hold this seething poison in my belly.
A cauldron overflowing.
A molten mixture that should never have been.

It pops and burbles
It seethes and gurgles.
When it cannot find you,
it finds me.
It eats me from the inside out.

And this
this nasty beast
is all you see of me.

Is all you believe to be true of me.

I didn't understand at first.
I didn't know.
How it could be.
When you take your love away.

And so I fall into a dark grave.
And I never learn.


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