searching for wholeness
|What's on this page?
¹ The Problem
¹ Our Limited Light Reality
¹ The Pendulum Swing - How It Looks In a State of Denial
¹ An Alternative - Spherical Reality
¹ How to Make It Real
¹ Time: The Soul Always Lives in the Now
¹ The Good News: Healing & Balance
¹ Healing Fragmentation & Spherical Thinking
The reality we - most of us - currently live in, is a byproduct of the original problems in creation. It is a linear system, built on an imprint of lack and limited light. It is laced through and through with fear.
There have been those who have solved the problem by rising above it, by leaving this reality for the broader and more global reality of the spiritual planes not tied to 3-dimensional bodies. There are two problems with that solution.
ONE, the beings who "ascend" thusly, leave behind large chunks of themselves. The essence that is too heavy, too mired in old painful emotion, too "unevolved", is left behind to cope on its own, and every time this happens the essence left behind is unfortunately re-imprinted with unworthiness feelings and beliefs.
TWO, ascension is not a solution for the essence that is here, essence that is primarily Soul/emotion. For many long eons it has been said and taught that the emotions are evil, and the only way for the Soul to evolve is for it to become as much LIKE Spirit as possible. Which is a bit like telling the color red to become the color blue. And then judging the color red as inadequate because it can never do what is asked of it. The Soul simply cannot do what Spirit does. It's not an option.
In the very earliest days of creation, Spirit judged himself and the Mother and all of creation. He judged some things to be worthy of his love and light, and some things he judged as unworthy, or less worthy. This set up a belief and deep imprint of light/love as limited, as only available to one if certain conditions are met, certain standards are lived up to. Underlying virtually everything we do on this planet is a deep desire for more light, and the accompanying beliefs that say we greatly deserve it, or we don't deserve it at all, and all the shades of the rainbow in between.
The need for light is a legitimate need. Light is like food and air. Necessary for survival. By withholding even the smallest portion of His light, God sent us - all of us, even his own rejected parts - into survival terror.
We looked around and saw that some beings were closer to God and were receiving more of his light. We saw also that some beings were farther away and were receiving less light. Everything from that point forward became a struggle to be closer to the light, to get more light. We received an emotional and VISUAL imprint, of a spectrum of full light vs. no light, closeness and distance, of a reality plagued by the possibility of lack, and that linear reality seemed to be all there was.
The concepts of worthiness and unworthiness were born.
The most obvious outpicturing of this in our current reality is the ever-unequal spectrum of "have's" and the "have not's".
Our physical world is ruled by time and money, both linear systems. The measure of a man is his ability to gain a large amount of money in a small amount of time. Yet many of those who have great abundance never seem able to relax and enjoy what they have. They continue to spin in the pattern that says "more, more, more is better". Regardless of how much they have, they are still ruled by the imprinted fear that it won't be enough, that someone else will come along and take what they have, or knock them off the ladder. Fear rules the day, even with those closest to the light. Therefore, keeping the linear systems in place is to their benefit. They work hard not only at gaining money, but at gaining power, keeping themselves always at the top of the ladder by controlling the flow of money and the structures of the system itself.
The "lesser" beings who are lower on the ladder spend an enormous amount of time spinning their wheels but are only able to earn a very small amount of money, and are constantly in a state of lack. Many resort to stealing light, which inevitably brings down backlash from the system. Those lowest on the ladder eventually reach a point where they have nothing more to lose, and don't care about punishment or backlash. Getting what they can, moment to moment, is all they live for.
In the animal kingdom it is outpictured in the way that pack animals jockey for position within their groups. The supply of food is limited, therefore, some will eat first and most, and others will get the leftovers, or nothing at all, depending on their position within the group.
Other more subtle outpicturings can be found in almost any gathering of people. Any time you have more than one person, you have an automatic scenario for ladder positioning. Jockeying for position doesn't always happen right away. Often there is a period of adjustment where the group members observe and exchange politenesses. Following this observation period, usually one or more group member will come forward and the dance for position begins.
What is interesting about this dance that occurs in groups is that it often has nothing to do with the amount of light the person actually has. Position within the group can be gained just by the person claiming to have more light (wisdom, healing ability, connection to God, money, power) and claiming it forcefully enough to keep their position at the top of the ladder. Being big and strong doesn't hurt. Force has been shown to be very effective in claiming and keeping the top position. Power over the others on the ladder can be achieved by emotional dominance, by causing pain, by seeking out others' weaknesses and tweaking their pain in such a way that they back away from the fight for position. Use of these tactics is, of course, not commonly accepted in spiritual circles, but they're used, nevertheless.
|THE PENDULUM SWING (How it looks in a state of denial)|
On the opposite end of the spectrum from full-on jockeying for position is the claim that we are all absolutely equal. That God loves us all equally and there is no difference in the amount of light we received or are receiving now. This is often the stance of New Agers who are pendulum swinging from the ladder reality.
But seeking refuge in sameness is not the answer. When jockeying for position goes into a state of denial, it can actually feel worse for those on the bottom of the ladder, because there is blatant denial of their reality. They ARE on the bottom of the ladder. In some cases, Soul-based people are not even ON the ladder, but are wallowing in the muck and mire of this world without hope. Some Soul-based people have such a deep imprint of unworthiness and lack and limited light, that they believe hell is their right place, suffering is their lot, and escape from this reality is not possible.
On the surface this pendulum swing appears to be a loving attempt to equalize things. But all it does is negate the reality of lack that exists, denying all the harm that has been done and continues to be done to those on the bottom of the ladder.
How can the "Absolutely Equal" position solve the problems of those Soul-based people? How can it explain the very real lack of light in so many places in our creation? Except, once again, by saying that red should try to be blue, and then you are back at the judgment that it is red's fault for not being able to pull itself up out of the muck, for not being able to be more like blue.
|AN ALTERNATIVE - Spherical Reality|
Conceiving of a non-linear reality is extremely difficult because of the very linearity of our brains. Our thinking processes, our means of communication, written or verbal, are all linear. A non-linear reality has to be perceived from another place than the mind. It can only be truly understood from the emotions, from deep within the Soul.
The Soul communicates with images, feelings, color, and sound. This is just one of the differences between Spirit and Soul (mind and emotion). An image, given by the Soul, contains a thousand nuances, a thousand shades of feelings and memory. It can be broken down into bits and pieces and organized in a linear fashion so that it makes more sense to the mind, but so much more can be communicated if the image is allowed to be felt fully as a whole. A Soul-based reality would be very different than the reality we live in now.
Imagine, if you will, try to picture and feel the possibility that there never was a judgment made in the very earliest days of creation. Imagine that God let his light and love flow to all of his own parts, to all of the Mother, and an imprint of lack ... never was. The imprint instead was of openness and love, of full acceptance and a source of nourishment that never emptied. Problems might arise, as beings who evolve and grow will always find some conflict, but in this atmosphere of loving acceptance and safety, everything would be felt and allowed expression and given a chance to speak. Everything would have evolved gently and gradually into mutual healing and love. And none would ever fear that some action on their part would cause love to leave. None would ever fear that their very beingness would cause their source of nourishment to be taken away.
Creation based on this beginning would have been very different.
|The Mother's Womb
An image that came to me recently was of the Mother as a sphere into which the loving light of spirit shone. She was literally the womb of the universe. Loving light filling this womb was reflected from every surface to every surface. There was not one inch of dark. Putting this imagery into words is not an easy thing, because the impact of it was emotional, visceral, all-encompassing. It seemed that the universe should be literally filled with light, reflected and bouncing off the vast loving arms of the Mother. She was the container of the universe, the shape that should have been, the bowl filled with light into which creation should have swum. No part, no matter how far from the source of the light, would have felt lack or limit, because the light would both fill her sphere and reflected off her walls, gifted lovingly back to the space within.
This may seem a rather esoteric and abstract image, and perhaps it is. Or perhaps there is no way for our linear minds to fully comprehend these things. Quantum physics is beginning to unravel the mysteries here, and time as a spherical thing is seeming to be quite possible.
The Comparison Trap
In a spherical reality, differences between one being and another, whether in size or color or essence, would not be an automatic measurement of how much light a person has or how much light a person is worthy of. We are different, we are not all equal in size or color or essence or gifts.
Some of us emerged larger, or brighter. Some may be more complex, others quite simple; some have many gifts and are able to perform wonders, some have fewer gifts, or other, less visible gifts, such as the ability to hold space open. But each being is essential to the fabric of creation.
Difference should never have been an indication of worthiness, or unworthiness.
And since - in this new reality - "larger" or "better" or "bigger" do not mean more light, it will not matter. There will be no feeling of jealousy or fear of lack when we see another with greater gifts than our own. All words with -er endings will cease to have the same emotional impact that they have now. Bigger, better, smarter, wiser, will only be words to explain a difference, not a measurement on the linear Light yardstick.
Instead of standing on a ladder or along a line in a spectrum that ranges from light to lack, we would be standing in a circle, with each and every one receiving love and light from the source that shines over all. And though each being shines as unique in themselves, the position each person holds in the circle is of equal importance to every other position, and each is vitally important to keeping the circle together. Therefore greatness in one person won't automatically mean another person is lesser or will have less.
|HOW TO MAKE IT REAL - Breaking Down the Limits of a Linear System|
Although it's very difficult to conjecture what this would look like, being as we are imagining from WITHIN the constraints of a linear system and eons and eons of old imprinting that has defined our reality, it is possible to find ways to outpicture this new circular/spherical way in our physical reality.
We must start with the premise that light and love are always available for all. Since that has been said so many times before but has not been the truth, it will be very hard to picture and feel it as real. The acceptance and truths given in the Right Use of Will books can be our foundation for trust. At first we won't be able to break out of the old rigid modes of behavior and ways of believing. But, this is our task. This is our greatest challenge. To break through the web of lies and create something new, based on wholeness of self and full acceptance of all of our being.
Know that every step forward we take will rattle the cage we have been living in. It will stir old imprints, and begin the vibrations needed to move all the emotions that need to move to set us free. Allowing ourselves to cry as much of the old pain and as often as we can, allowing full and safe expression of EVERY feeling, will bring us there eventually. It is inevitable.
Dealing With Groups
When you gather, gather in circles. Let no one person consistently be leader. Let no one of you be guru or teacher or master. We all have wisdom to share. Let the Native American tradition of the Talking Stick be a way to let each person have his/her say within the circle. As the stick passes from one to another, each person has the full and respectful attention of the others in the group as they express whatever they think and feel. And each response, in turn, whether large and full of disagreement, or small and supportive, is allowed full expression.
In this way, a casual gathering becomes a Sacred Circle, and within this Circle, all are equally important. Each member has an important piece of the puzzle that makes up the whole of creation.
Healing Our Pain
Of course, along the way to this new reality, we must heal all the pain of the old one. This is the most important factor in making it real. There is no other way to truly break down an old reality and build a new one, except by digging to the very foundations, and digging deeply.
Every time an -er word has been applied to make one of us feel less-than or farther away from the light, there has been pain. Jealousy and fear, desire for dominance over others, feelings of lack, feelings of unworthiness, rage at God and his withholding policy, guilt at having greatness, all of these feelings must be cried and allowed full expression, so that they can come to healing naturally and with acceptance. They cannot be forced to change. It cannot be simply "decided" to accept a new reality, without going through all the necessary healing of the old.
|TIME: The Soul Always Lives in the Now|
There was once a book given containing a bit of wisdom, calling us all to Be Here Now, to live in the moment, to leave the past behind and quit yearning for the future. This is an unfortunate twist on the actual reality of the Soul. It has been thought by Spirit that the Soul's inability to "let go" of old pain is an unhealthy obsession with the past, an unwillingness to grow and evolve.
What has not been understood is that the Soul lives in an emotional experience outside of linear time. The Soul is always living in its own NOW.
When you have an extremely joyful experience, if you allow yourself to go fully INTO it, you lose track of time. Did that orgasm last 6 minutes or 6 seconds? Did you really just spend 5 hours working on that painting? Where did the time go? It seemed to pass quickly because during that emotional experience, you stepped temporarily outside of linear time. You were living in the emotion of the experience and that is always NOW.
When you have an extremely painful experience, you also lose track of time, but instead of passing quickly, it seems to last forever. But actually, neither experience passes any more slowly or quickly. It's just that while going deeply into an emotion, the mind temporarily unhitches itself from the linear wagon, and ceases to follow the track of time, so we don't really KNOW how much time has passed. We judge *with our minds* that the joyful experience has passed quickly, and the painful one has passed slowly.
There may be another problem with painful experiences seeming to last longer, simply because of the resistance factor. Because it hurts, and we naturally resist pain, we are always trying to "make it stop hurting". And of course, we also have many judgments on certain emotions and lack of acceptance sets up resistance. But if we allow ourselves to go as fully into the painful experience as the joyful experience, we might find that it passes just as quickly.
What happens when we are not allowed to go deeply into the painful experiences at the moment they happen? They become frozen in time. The NOW of that moment becomes frozen, encapsulated in a bubble, forever locked in that NOW, living in the reality of that moment. And often you find that the entire memory of the painful event gets locked away in the bubble as well, along with whatever essence of yours was experiencing the event.
And so you find yourself attempting to live in linear time with much of your emotional essence locked away in bubbles, which, no matter how hard you try, will always return to intrude on your daily life or into your relationships with their beliefs and feelings of the NOW that they are living in. That sad two-year old comes to clog up your throat in the middle of a meeting, and the angry four-year old seems to be the one who governs your romantic relationships. Some long-ago past-life experience keeps you from high places or deep water, and you have no idea why or what the real cause is.
We know now that the only way to heal these little moments of frozen reality (and retrieve the memories of them) is to go into them, deeply, with emotional openness and acceptance for whatever is in there. We must let the pain and rage and terror cry itself until it is fully healed. We cannot simply push the bubbles away and expect to Be Here Now, at least not if we want to become whole and healed.
|THE GOOD NEWS: Healing Itself is Spherical|
The good news is that going often and deeply into emotional experiences (both pain and joy) will give you an increasing feeling of spherical reality, of living outside of linear time. The mind needs to be given the experience of this new reality, it cannot simply jump to understanding it.
Find things that bring you great joy, let yourself become immersed in your desire and pleasure and fun! And when you come back into linear time, let your mind remember the feeling of it, educate your linear mind in the experience of your emotions. And let yourself go into your bubbles of pain, as often as you can, let yourself become immersed in an old experience of deep emotional pain, and let it cry itself out. And when you come out of this experience, again, let your mind remember it, give your linear mind the experience of your own lost Soul, healing and evolving.
These experiences will slowly awaken the mind here to the joy and possibilities of the spherical reality of the Soul. It will slowly loosen its hold on its linearity, because it will realize that the Soul's reality is not dangerous or something to fear. The reality of the Soul is not the chaos that mind fears.
Healing fragmentation from a linear perspective is a tedious, and often overwhelming task.
Imagine you are walking a line, with walls on both sides of you. The path goes up and down sometimes, and around curves, but all you can see is what is directly in front of you. When the way is straight and flat you can see a little ways down the line, but not far even then. This is what it's like for the linear mind, trying to understand and heal fragmentation.
The limits of the mind make it nearly impossible to understand fragmentation, let alone know where to begin to heal it, when fragments and memories and feelings are all over the place... behind, in front, 6 feet above, in a pocket buried within a pocket around a corner. Mind has a lot of difficulty trying to understand and make sense of something when it - by its nature - cannot see the big picture with all its emotional nuances.
Mind needs to connect with the Soul, to let the feminine essence be the guide in this healing process. Mind needs to wait, listen, receive the pictures and feelings that are the wisdom of She.
How much easier it is for the Soul itself, in its spherical reality, to feel all around itself, to see the parts of the self reflected back. The whole picture may not make sense, because the parts are still severed from each other, but shifting from one part to another simply involves turning a bit, looking in another direction, letting another part be reflected and felt, rather than having to take 62 steps down the long linear road, perhaps not find what you're looking for, take 17 steps down another path, etc., etc.
The ability to live within this spherical reality grows with practice. The more you accept and validate this side of you, the more it can express, heal and evolve, and the more of its reality it can reflect back to you.
Thanks fo Dick Termes, www.termespheres.com, for the wonderful spherical artwork here.
We can do this. The old reality is breaking up already. The old systems will crack and crumble and soon, the way for a new reality will be clear. This new reality will be something we cannot fully imagine right now. It will be something we have never ever experienced, a blending of Spirit and Soul and a birthing of New Heart into Creation.