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Personal Sharings / Healing Fragmentation

The Little Maybe

He promises nothing.
He guarantees nothing.
He speaks no hollow words of apology.
   He merely waits.

When I am cold or fearful or doubting,
   he holds very still,
   he waits,
   he suffers.
   I feel his self-hate radiating off him like heat.
   He wants to run away.
       But he doesn't.

When I scorn and hate,
   he recoils,
   he hurts,
   he wants to run away.
      But he doesn't.

He disguises himself as
He would have me believe he is only a servant here.

But sometimes...
   Sometimes he shines.

Through the corners of his eyes,
   a tiny light shines through,
   when he doesn't know I'm looking
      and the mask is fallen away.
And then I know who he is.

And I know
I think I know
I begin to know
   the great, quiet love
      behind his deception.

I let him go on
thinking I don't know.

I watch him from the corner of my eyes.
I carefully send out tendrils.
   I want to run away.

      But I won't.

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