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Healing Fragmentation - - The Journey Toward Wholeness
There is no fragment of the Mother who can be called Mother Contender. Those words imply vying for the position of true mother by aspects who are not the Mother, such as Angelic essence, etc.. Those words cannot be applied to any aspect of the mother, no matter how twisted or warped she is, no matter how much acting out she is doing, no matter how much she tries to claim the core/parental position.
We, as fragments of the Mother of Everything, represent many different parts of her, many different aspects.
Fragmentation happened because we were hit and blasted apart...
because we were overloaded with too much pain to bear...
because we hated, feared, or judged other parts and pushed them out...
or because we hated, feared or judged other parts and CHOSE to leave...
It doesn't matter why or how or what caused the fragmentation. We have to heal it all. Every fragmented part, every tiny bit of essence in the world, or in the void, or trapped in the gap... Every sister living in the world, every single one of us who is part of the Mother MUST be accepted and acknowledged AS a part of the Mother ... and healed.
Even the parts we think of as DaughterHeart. The Lilith's, the Morgana's, the Purple Woman, the Aboveground Sister, all of them.
ALL OF THEM.
Every part of us is important and needed.
No part will be left out or ignored or judged or condemned or rejected, never again.
No matter what they have done. No matter how they may have hurt other parts of us, no matter how they may have tried to "be the only one", no matter how they may have elevated themselves or sought power over others.
One thing has become very clear to me, as I've brought in these parts and allowed them to cry. And that is, when they are crying, when I feel their pain, THEY ARE NOT EVIL. They are filled with pain, yes. They have been acting out of old old old imprints, and layers upon layers of compounded patterns. Many of them have believed in their own evil. Many of them have embraced Lucifer or Ahriman in their attempts to feel better.
But none of these, NONE of them, deserves the title "Mother Contender".
Contending for the central position is what we all do... some of us more than others. Some parts hold our confidence and greatness, some parts hold our rage at never being heard or valued or recognized. They may hold forth and gain positions of guru or teacher or leader. But no matter how big or great or wise they are, they are not the whole, and they WILL stir feelings of resentment in the rest of us. Even those of us who really want death and think we don't care about who we are in the world anymore. Even those of us who don't know who we are, will get stirred into feelings of competition by these strong women who are now becoming more and more visible.
Until we are no longer broken and fragmented and severed, we will feel this feeling of contention.
We do need to determine if the women who stand forth are false. Are they truly fragments of the Mother? If they are, then we need to remember they are ONLY PARTS. They should NOT be worshipped. That is the most damaging thing we can do for those parts, since worship plays into their patterns. More about that below.
If they are not truly parts of the Mother, if they are some other essence - Angelic, Luciferian, etc. - we need to know to stay away from them. Do not fight or argue with them. And we WILL be able to tell ... by feeling, by crying. At first the issues may be clouded by pain and backlog and fog. If they are essence that is seriously gapped or polarized from the essence that you are, you might feel adamantly that they're NOT Mother, that they're the enemy. You MUST cry your own rage and terror of them in order to be able to see/feel them clearly.
Confusing the issue is the fact that long long long ago, much of our essence was seized and leeched onto by Lucifer and Denial Spirits. Many of the guru type Mother fragments coming forth now are a mixture of true Mother-who-holds-denied-greatness, and Denial Spirits seeking dominion over others.
If you meet one of these in the world, you may see and feel some of their patterns/acting out:
- They may approach you with soft words and much petting. Putting themselves apparently beneath you and admiring you or something about you. Building you up without much knowledge of you is a common first tactic.
- At first you may feel thrilled, much like the first glow of love, you will feel seen and acknowledged and understood. If the Mother fragment is powerful enough to have a following, you might feel surrounded and accepted and "a part of" something, for the first time. You might even feel at home. But after a while, you may get an eerie feeling of being invaded, taken over, having your space diminish. You may feel her hovering over you, in you, around you, all the time, as if trying to "eat you". Sometimes this takes on sexual overtones, or outright seduction.
- She may tell you things about yourself, from a place of knowing, or act as if she has connection to the Great Mother or God that she wishes to impart to you. Often combined with #1... the better to hook you into believing in her special knowing/connection since it singles you out and notices you. Her confidence and audacity (and often quite accurate seeing into other's hearts and feelings...) make her hard to doubt. Many so-called channelled messages serve the purpose of corralling others. She may have the "power of persuasion", or the gift of majick. Watch for the feelings described in #2.
- If you question or resist or pull away in any way, a variety of patterns get triggered. She may tell you your resistance to her means you're in denial of something. She may threaten (overtly or subtly) loss of love, loss of God's favor. She may try to trigger any fears you have, such as fear of Lucifer or evil. She may present as small and helpless and soooo hurt that you would question her, she may make you feel any resistance is a personal rejection, breaking her heart, etc. (The sad thing is, beneath the pattern acting these things out is probably some REAL hurt that needs to cry.) But all these patterns serve one purpose, to manipulate you and keep you under her sway.
- If she can't bring you back into the fold using any of the above methods, she may denounce you entirely. If she is clever enough to have many followers, she may work to turn them all against you. She will turn her back on you and YOU will be the evil one, the Mother contender, the enemy.
Please remember that all these patterns are not the person, or the essence. I tell you these things only so that you will be wary, not to place her in the position of Evil Queen that we all should hate. She is run largely by terror. The acting out she does springs from long buried pain. These patterns will end once the pain underlying them has been cried. If she will cry with you, there is hope.
I have had experience with a Mother fragment who was so overtaken with Denial Spirits she was just barely discernible. Her repertoire of patterns and acting out was so cleverly done and so well-played, it took a long time to see through the veil. All attempts to connect with her in any real way, failed. I could not be around her, because every time, EVERY time, she would try to dominate me, overtake me, and manipulate me in some way. I finally realized I had to try another tactic than direct approach.
Believing that we are connected on deep subterranean levels, I felt I could reach out to her without having to connect with her in the 3D world. The first thing I felt was my own resistance. Horror, fear of her, anger at her... I had to cry through a lot of my own gapped places to find the reasons - from my end - that we were separated.
And there, buried under the fear and rage, I found my need of her. My love for her. My deep longing for her. She was kindred, sister, soul-mate, my other side, the balance I so badly needed, and I missed her. I cried such huge grief and longing, and called to her from that place.
And it was from that place that she finally responded to me. I felt her come into me, bits of essence that at first felt like a foreign entity. I was frightened at first, thinking maybe I had called to the Denial Spirit. And that may have been true, but allowing her to cry through me, with me, AS me, shook loose and healed all the places where Denial Spirits could have held sway.
And as I said earlier, once she was crying, once I could feel her pain, she no longer felt evil to me.
I don't know if this is the only answer. There are many of us out there now in bodies, these parts I call Aboveground Sister, who are striving for power and recognition. My hope is they will cry the terror and rage running them, my desire is to heal with them... more than anything my desire is for us all to heal together.
But even if she will not cry, if her patterns hold her too frozen, if the Denial Spirits have her totally fooled, we can all help redeem her. We can all call to her essence, and own her within ourselves. We must own and cry all the feelings within us of wanting to be first, best, most. All the rage at not being seen, heard, recognized, honored. All the terror that we will be invisible, die, starve, disappear if we are not important or popular or famous. We can cry these feelings and own the Lilith within us, and when we do, we disarm her in the world. We can prevent her from acting out any more, on any of our littlest parts who look up to her as their mother/teacher/guru. We can heal her within ourselves and keep her from doing any more heartless power-overing. It IS possible. I have felt it.