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The Library - Fiction and Poetry for the Heart


A Shred of Red
pct - 11/28/01
Previous: My Red is Brown


I am red, unable to die...

I hear the command, but I cannot obey.

I can't die, I can't die 
	I CAN'T die!

In the stillness, she found me there,
     breathing a silent whisper
	   I live
	   I live
	   I live
	   		I AM
"I curse you", she growled 
"I curse you and hate you and wish you gone"

Because of me, she cannot die.
Because of me, she must take another breath,
   and then another.
Because of me, she can never reach 
	The Absolute Stillness of Oblivion.
She shatters and breaks, trying to rid herself of me.
She hunts me down 
  like a wild animal that lurks in every cell
  	whispering a hushed breath and growl
		I live
		I live
		I live
			I AM

She hunts me down and casts me out.
She shatters my bones and breaks my skull.
She rips and tears and rends
and squeezes and slices and bends

And still I lurk, though smaller and smaller
	and smaller and smaller
	and smaller
	yet still somehow
		whispering in hushed breath and growl
		I live
		I live
		I live
		  	I AM

And when at last we both lie at the bottom of my bottomless well of despair
and she turns to the very last shred of me 
	and begs
	and pleads 
	and cries and grovels
	   "PLEASE help me die"
	... finally she hears me cry
	I feel her Shock ...
	The shock of me ... 
	   stills her death striving
	At last I have her ear, and 
	  I sob and quake and cower and shake 
 		    my fists at her,
	  Unjust tyrant, that she is.
	"I have tried", I tell her.
	"I have tried not to be."
	the truth is
	I ... 	cannot ...  	die.
	"You don't understand", I tell her.
	"I have no choice.
	   I am not obstinate rebellious life,
	    I am not headstrong will to survive.
	        Living against your will.
	               I HAVE tried!!!"
		 She doesn't understand how hard I have tried to die.
		 But she is listening now
		 while I tell her and try to explain what I have no words for
			No matter how hard I try...  
			No matter how small I get
	  		no matter how much I break
	    	and shatter
		  	and scatter
		  I ...  CANNOT ...	  die.

I am last and smallest
   a mere shred of red
       hiding in the dark
	 She finally hears me
	   whispering a breath and a growl
			I live
			I live
			I live
					I AM
What kind of choice is this?

There is no choice.
I simply AM.

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