I am red, unable to die...
I hear the command, but I cannot obey.
I can't die, I can't die
I CAN'T die!
In the stillness, she found me there,
breathing a silent whisper
"I curse you", she growled
"I curse you and hate you and wish you gone"
Because of me, she cannot die.
Because of me, she must take another breath,
and then another.
Because of me, she can never reach
The Absolute Stillness of Oblivion.
She shatters and breaks, trying to rid herself of me.
She hunts me down
like a wild animal that lurks in every cell
whispering a hushed breath and growl
She hunts me down and casts me out.
She shatters my bones and breaks my skull.
She rips and tears and rends
and squeezes and slices and bends
And still I lurk, though smaller and smaller
and smaller and smaller
yet still somehow
whispering in hushed breath and growl
And when at last we both lie at the bottom of my bottomless well of despair
and she turns to the very last shred of me
and cries and grovels
"PLEASE help me die"
... finally she hears me cry
I feel her Shock ...
The shock of me ...
stills her death striving
At last I have her ear, and
I sob and quake and cower and shake
my fists at her,
Unjust tyrant, that she is.
"I have tried", I tell her.
"I have tried not to be."
the truth is
I ... cannot ... die.
"You don't understand", I tell her.
"I have no choice.
I am not obstinate rebellious life,
I am not headstrong will to survive.
Living against your will.
I HAVE tried!!!"
She doesn't understand how hard I have tried to die.
But she is listening now
while I tell her and try to explain what I have no words for
No matter how hard I try...
No matter how small I get
no matter how much I break
I ... CANNOT ... die.
I am last and smallest
a mere shred of red
hiding in the dark
She finally hears me
whispering a breath and a growl
What kind of choice is this?
There is no choice.
I simply AM.