How Patterns Affect (and Rule) Our Relationships

Patterns have been the cause of many relationships both forming and falling apart. How many times have you seen someone become involved with the same "type" of partner, over and over and over again, repeating the same roles and experiencing the same damaging things? This is because the pattern is choosing the relationship. That is not to say there's no love involved. There is often great love because often those who we bonded with in love in past lives or shared love in Original Cause, have matching or complementary patterns to ours. Sometimes the other person is actually of the same essence family as ourselves, and so we are drawn together in need and hopes of healing. Even if the other person does not share essence with you, the possibility is high that you are drawn together as an opportunity for healing, which is guided by the True Soul within each of you. At the base of all emotional activity is the desire for movement and healing. Beneath the patterns and the acting out is the True Soul seeking an outlet, an avenue for expression, looking for healing and love. Breaking the Patterns & Finding Love If you're in a relationship formed and bonded by mutually interacting patterns, you need to be aware that it's difficult - if not impossible - to break the patterns unless BOTH partners are willing to cry and work on the root causes of their patterns. Many times one partner will begin the healing process and try to push the other into healing with them. That almost never works. A person has to feel the desire to go down this road from within themselves. No external prompting or threats or cajoling will give them the same desire for healing. It must come from within. This path is difficult enough, and it's not for everyone at this time. If your partner resists this type of healing, DO NOT PRESSURE them. Breaking patterns within a relationship can be very scary. You will probably feel as if your survival is threatened and the other person will occasionally seem like the enemy to you. And vice versa. If you begin to step outside the relationship's interlocking patterns, the other person will likely see YOU as the enemy, because their patterns are being jostled and poked and forced out of the status quo by your shifts. To the pattern, your refusal to interact with it in the way you have in the past is received as an act of betrayal. If you refuse to fall back into the old behaviors, it could even be felt as an act of war. If the other person does not cry their own pain, they will most likely threaten to end the relationship with accusations that you don't love them anymore, or you've pulled back or withdrawn. It's entirely possible that you will have to accept the end of the relationship if the person cannot cry and heal and break their own pattern. Try to remember that the pattern - which may hate you and blame you - is not the person. However, if they are unwilling or unable to cry and shift and heal, you have to decide if you want to stay in the relationship and continue to interact with their patterns. You should not REQUIRE that of yourself ... do not let guilt to force you to stay in a situation which is not healing for you. To require that of yourself, without hope of the pattern healing or breaking, is not only unfair to yourself, but could potentially be damaging. When Love Wants to Stay I don't mean to say that it's hopeless. It is possible to maintain the relationship with love intact, while continuing to move and shift and heal your own patterns. It's not easy, though. At first, staying outside the pattern will seem almost impossible. First, your partner knows your patterns, and secretly knows your pain underlying them, just as you secretly know theirs. One of the ways they will try to draw you back into the pattern is to poke at your pain. And since these ruts have been ingrained for a long time, it won't be easy to keep your wheels out of them. The wagon will just want to slide back into the same old tracks. You will need to decide if staying in the relationship is worth it for your own healing. It can be done, if the love is great enough. You will need to find creative ways to live outside the pattern, while maintaining a loving relationship with somebody inside their own patterns. Not an easy task. And not one that has pat, easy answers. You can unhook your needs from your partner, and focus on living your own life. You can release them from your expectations and free them to live their own lives, while maintaining the relationship. The solution really depends on what the pattern wants, expects, and is covering up. Therefore, the true solution can only be found by thoroughly crying your own pain, healing YOUR side of the pattern, and then allowing creative solutions to come to you through your healed Soul. Trust me, you will find yourself receiving answers you never thought of before. This process really does work, and healing the soul releases a kind of magic that isn't really magic. It's just the way the soul works. It is creative, and productive, and capable of literally saving our lives. Being Alone If you find yourself alone, just remember ... there will come a time in your own healing when you will be able to draw to you a partner that more truly fits your desire, not just your patterns. Or at least, you will be able to draw in a partner who is willing and able to do the healing work WITH you, which means you'll have greater possibility of breaking through both your patterns. In the meantime, you don't have to do without love. Just remember that many of your choices are springing from the pain hidden in the pockets of your dark basement, and until you have those things healed, you can't expect your life to outpicture anything different. If you can try to look at your relationships as signposts - let them show you where your pain is and where your patterns are acting out - then your expectations of yourself (and your partners) will be much more realistic. Find love where you can, BUILD love where you can, and heal as much as you can along the way. Return to Top