Panjoyah Poems
I Overate

My body doesn't really "do"
   apologies, you know
So I'll just need to feel the pain
   and let the self-hate grow
For now, feeling "bad" 'bout
   how it went, and how
I wish I could redo the whole show
   Should have's don't really work
But eating out of sake of food's
   pace of rot is just an "ought to"
So, deaf ears to sorry, not to worry
   There'll be another chance today
to say the things that he can hear
   that aren't in words but start right here
You made him cave, that was your role
   Since all is good, leave guilt's hole
and feel the fear that you fucked up,
   and how that's made you feel so small

I can feel you inside
promising to do better today
But Body doesn't really "do" promises
   Your chances are found in the
   moment of choice
so you'll just have to wait
   and risk the cold voice
      of your quiet hate
that might say you've got no right to joys
   of flesh or spirit
"Penance must be done
   payback is on tap
      and you've got to take the rap"
Release this righteous rationale
   of ridiculous reasons for being wrong
and bide your time
   and squeal or whine
      if you need to
To choose anew
   no chances few
      but many for you
         to respect the needs
         of you know who
Your brother undiscovered
your other lover,
   when the moment comes,
For Body doesn't really "do" visions or plans
   He's here right now, he's the man
Here is the place where everyone is
   Here is the space where communion lives
      Now is the everlasting moment of truth
         brightening your lonely room
            It's the only room
               to be in

copyright 1997-2002 Panjoyah

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