Panjoyah Poems
Who, Me?

Spirit has an embassy in my brain
I welcome him everywhere
if he has loving intent.
If he is a part of me, does he need permission?
Keys to the city?
A press pass?
No, he may come at will,
but not AT Will.

He is me.
Get it?
That's how long you've been
feeling separated from him.
left to sink or swim.
While he...that part...of me...went...where?
Are you back?
Are you so merged with my own consciousness
that you don't seem separate?

            How to?

If I'm going to spend all this time
incorporating and being this
other half of myself...
This feeling, sensing,
slow moving reptilian side,
this willness,
I must somehow learn who my spirit is
and how he gets here and who he is.
Does she draw him close,
pull him in
and then he's just here, in me?
Do I think my own thoughts
or does spirit think for me?

Yet I am he and he is me
And we are we and
She pulls us all together
As together we let her lead
Us to life.
She who is also we
Who is also me, also I.
I AM She
As I AM He
As I AM Me,
And I AM We.

I remember now that when I receive bodywork
My Body lets in more awareness & information
This feels important
I need information.
I want information from UsIs,
Who can see more clearly than I do.
God, Loving Light, Bonded with Healed Will...
Why am I so afraid of contacting you in my mind?
Especially with 'windowing' happening in my field
Windows opening to the wide Mother of the Universe
Bonded with Father
And sometimes not.

Please help me
Release blame from me
Blame is not me
Yet I feel it
I express it
But I and my expression are one
My expression part of the WE.
So does that make blame me?
Who "rides" my words, and is that possible?
Is it denial... or can I be a tunnel also
For that which is not me?

One of the biggest gaps
Is that between
Inner and outer
There there's this other massive gap... 'tween
I/Me and you/s/he
Is it gap or illusion?
What IS illusion?
"Illusion is that part of self which
seems to be outside.
It is not real
And yet, at another level
It is.
Seems like everything I say goes unfinished
Jump cut to the next point of view
Like those Uranian flashy/sharp shifts
Questions on top of answers on top of questions
On top of musings
What IS "finished?"
An arbitrary end point

That is a part of infinite reality
Immortality of mutability
How to live.
How to stay living
How to actually live
And not be sleepwalking
In illusion
The word illusion scares me.

Mary highlights another, at least perceived gap
Between the real
And the unreal
Or...the manifest & the latent
Is illusion just "latent" reality
I'll ask again...
What IS real?
Everything that I participate with as real
Is real.
Perceiver makes real
I just heard the words
"Virgo, the master of reality"

One last gap to mention...
That between the dream world
And the waking
We think we know the difference.

I could mix in these words to a book.
These musings
I could.

copyright 1997-2002 Panjoyah

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