Shebook Poem #1
Letting Go

Oh Krys
My daughter
What does that mean?
Guilt says, a life sentence to serve
An obligation to love

But guilt does not tell the truth
But the opposite of the truth
With an unloving twist
I try to resist the casual fist
Of guilt.

Dearest child you are a woman now
I am sorry for the pain I see you going thru
I wish it could be different
I wish everything for you
But you are twenty two
And I'm so far away
I live in places
I cannot escape

I speak a different language
Share another's fate
For me, it's just too late
I can't be what you want
I don't know what you want
And I never guess right anyway

And you can tell me til
You're blue in the face
That I'm a total disgrace
To the mothering race
And it makes me want to say

What is wrong with this picture?

But it always hurts
Like a blow to the heart
By a poisonous dart
And it feels like the start
Of my death knell

I can't tell if that's true
But what should I do?
I really must live this
Time or this is the
End of time
For me.
No more rebirths for us now
These are the last times
We'll have this way

Dear child, I have to go away
Won't ask you to leave the nest
You can keep what you have
But I cannot survive
In that world anymore
I tried to before and it
Killed me somehow.

When these words make sense
To you, if they ever do
Perhaps you will forgive me
And seek me out.

It's time to let go
For each other to grow

You are a young woman
Much more empowered than I
In so many ways.

You are having a crisis
Scary feelings inside you
You are guilty and frightened
You want me to hold you
Yet I have to let go

I don't know how to show you
And you can't take it in right now

I may not call you til the
End of time
This is a crazy poet rhyme

Your uncle is not the only one
Who lives on the edge
Though I'm on the wild side
Of sane
Nobody can catch me
And I know how to speak
The language of the heart

They cannot lock me up
But they won't help me either
And do not point at Peter
As the one who should work
Don't call him a shirker

For he follows me
And he lives in my world
He is the other side of me
And he needs to be free
Just as I do
We are two peas in a pod
Camping out at God's doorstep
Living in soft places
We cannot take the hard
And that is your domain
You are in the right place for you
You capricorn moon
You love the hard
The difficult
The challenging

But guilt is biting your butt
And I wonder how much that
Informs what you do?

I admire you so much
I watch you like an actress on a screen
Applauding wildly

Your mother is dead
I am sad to tell you
She passed the baton along to me.

She didn't live very long
Just twenty-two years
But she treid so very hard, my dear.
Guess she burned herself out
With all of that guilt

I'd like to be your friend
But I'm not the sort you usually choose
And I have to say, neither are you
To me.

I love you but I can't relate to
Your goals
Or touch soul to soul
In the ways that I could back then
It was so easy to be mommy
But it was a time sensitive job
And time's up.

It's time to let go
If you were my friend
Instead of my child
Perhaps you would have
Recognized and received
The song I wrote
As a passionate declaration
Of love and support for you.
But it came in a form that
Didn't feel good.

I don't know what to say about that.
Maybe we are not meant
To be friends in the end.

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