searching for wholeness
I hate sharks. I hate gurus. I hate people who think they know better than others. I hate people who think they have the right and the wisdom to purposely trigger other people. I hate people who think others should swallow their "wisdom" whole and beg for more.
Sharks are a very particular kind of predator. They prey on everyone, but they especially like the sweet heart essence that can't help but be soft and loving, and the terror polar Soul essence that can be easily intimidated or overridden. Sharks can home in on these two types of people from miles away. They can swim in a crowd and pick out the easy prey with a knack that is truly amazing.
I have been one of these. I have been prey to the Shark pattern. I will be victim no more.
And now that I have found my way free of the prison-maze, I have a secret lurking rescuer that wants to prevent the Sharks from harming or harvesting or fooling others. My protector rage wants to pull back the curtain and reveal the man (or woman) operating the levers. I want to show how the magician does the trick.
The voice of guilt and self-hate tells me to back off and let it be. If people are taken in by a snake charmer, that's not my business. Maybe the snake charmer is what they want. Maybe the voice they hear from these sharks and harvesters sounds real and wise to them. Maybe they think that IS the voice of God or the Mother, and I need to just ... mind my own business.
So says the voice of reason. But then protector rage surges up again, and says no, this isn't a personal issue. This is a planetary issue. We're dying here. At some point we have to stand up and say STOP!!! How can we stop being victims if we are continually victimized? How can we regain our power when we are continually being beaten back down into slavery, or hoodwinked into believing the voice of lies, the voice of the web? It has to stop somewhere.
There are those who say things like ...
I know what I feel.
I know what was done to me, in the dark...
I remember the confusion... the inability to know what was true, the fear, the self-doubt and self-hate. These things were real. ARE real. I know when I FEEL pushed on, pushed back, intimidated, pressured.
A man beats his wife repeatedly. Who is responsible for the beatings?
In the new (old) New Age teachings, the woman must take responsibility for allowing it, for attracting this man (this reflection) in the first place.
I can embrace this philosophy to a certain extent. I am committed to finding and healing all the lost parts of myself, and if I have fragmented essence that is out there acting as my abuser, I will cry that and heal it and own it and bring it inside me so it doesn't act out on me (or others) ever again. I'm committed to this process, and that means finding ALL my parts.
However, there are some things wrong with this scenario.
Foremost is the sheer arrogance of people outside/above the situation (or on the side of the sharks) who continually try to tell you that there are no sharks, it's all your own problem, etc. etc.
They don't know - even if they pretend they do - what all the energies are doing, what all the hidden agendas are, and what everyone has hiding in their dark attic. They don't know what is me and what is not. The abuser might be a part of me, but then again, he/she might not be. There still exists in the world, apart from me, hatred that causes a man to use his fists, that causes sharks to try to dominate others. This hatred is not mine to own. And my healing does not make these abusers disappear. It merely allows me to step out of their way.
They will go on to abuse somebody else.
In this case, they exist independently of me.
And to deny the reality of this hatred and these patterns and how they act out is to allow the damage to continue unchecked and unnoticed.
Which is exactly what it wants.
The patterns must be noticed, first, before anything can be done to stop being victim to them. The hatred cannot be allowed to just run rampant anymore. The victim must find a way to stand up and say NO, or leave. THAT is their responsibility.
If an abused wife takes the beatings day after day, believing that by healing herself, her husband will one day magically stop wanting to beat her, she's twice a fool.
As somebody very wise once said, sometimes a reflection is more than just a reflection. Sometimes a jerk is really a jerk. And he/she doesn't stop being a jerk just because somebody says he/she doesn't exist. You can't make these patterns go away by ignoring them, excusing them, or brushing them under the carpet.
I take responsibility - here and now - for pushing back (or moving away), for standing in my own space, for striving to live from my core. But I do not blame myself for having been victim to these energies before. I could not have done otherwise.
I validate my own experience, something I couldn't do before because I didn't have enough parental essence in my core yet. I do now. I can be parental to my pain. And I can validate other's experience. If you feel like you've been sharked... you probably have. And don't let anybody tell you that sharks don't exist or that it's all in your own head, or your own problem. The problem is real, and you are right to feel what you feel. Looking at the reality is the only way to take back your own power.
So far as I know, there is only one way to learn discernment, and that is to continue to cry the pain, to reclaim all of my lost parts until I have myself fully healed and whole and intact. Then I can live from within my core, and nobody will ever be able to invade me or dominate me or confuse me or manipulate me. EVER AGAIN.
Identity, Personality and Fragmentation - Layers of Self
Handbook for the Guru WannaBe
The Power Patterns
Entity Possession / Invasion