THE PATTERN PAGES
CLUES THAT A PATTERN IS OPERATING
The moment we recognize the pattern's behavior with our conscious mind, we have brought light to it. It can no longer operate in the dark, outside our awareness. We can then allow the feelings underneath the pattern to come up so we can acknowledge them, feel them, and release them.
This is a list that has been growing for some time. It began as a simple attempt to identify behaviors in us that are part of a pattern acting out. It's by no means finished.
- Comparing myself to another person
- Making sure someone knows his/her mistake
- Being "Nice"
- Needing to prove something to someone
- Trying to defend myself
- Seeking approval from someone
- Saying "yes" when I don't really want to
- Speaking crossly to someone
- Not listening to someone who is talking to me, but instead planning what I'm going to say next.
- Talking about someone in a negative way
- Over-indulging myself
- Neglecting myself
- Adding something in or leaving something out, exaggerating or distorting, when telling a story.
- Complimenting in an overboard manner
- Getting pushy or pressuring someone
- Doing something for someone for a payoff, such as being seen as kind or good, rather than just to meet their needs.
- Being sarcastic.
- Hurrying, rushing, being frantic.
- Laughing at someone, not with them.
- Being depressed, silent, moody, and expecting others to read my mind.
- Being consistently late.
- Hiding my anger.
- Joking about somebody who isn't present, re: their weaknesses.
- Sucking up / brown-nosing
- Being "impressed" with someone.
- Putting someone down, in my thoughts or to others.
- Thinking about how someone will react or respond to my "neat" or "good" behavior.
- Being silent and waiting for someone to ask me what's wrong.
- Hiding my hurt and being tough, brave, or above it all.
- Suffering or enduring in silence, but secretly feeling like I'm "better than" because of it.
- Deferring the truth of what I think, feel or want.
- Equalizing, i.e.: if I made a mistake, then I look for the mistake in others.
- Looking down on or hating any group.
- Pitying someone (secretly feeling "better than").
- Looking for a distraction, fun, thrill, or fear experience.
- Endlessly making plans.
- Responding to my plans being thwarted or delayed by pushing harder with anger, or making more plans.
- Being conscious of (or obsessing on) my feelings of confidence, security, superiority.
- Being conscious of (or obsessing on) my feelings of lack, inability, insecurity, and inferiority.
- Being "sweet".
- Being a "good" student, mother, friend, helper, do-gooder.
- Being "teacher's pet", or best helper for the leader/guru.
- Believing and acting as if I don't need anyone.
- Worshipping someone.
- Waiting to be saved.
- Trying to save others.
- Trying to impress someone.
- Avoiding things because I'm afraid, rather than just feel my fear.
- Doing rash or dangerous things in an attempt to push past or control my fear, rather than just feel my fear.
- Doing anything because I'm afraid, rather than just feel my fear.
- Feeling like "I can't live without" someone or something
- Being closed minded about something.
- Acting from a preconceived "should", either for myself or someone else.
- Showing only my "Sunday Self".
- Picking a fight.
- Having to be first or most healed.
- Having to be worst or in the most pain.
- Being accident prone, constantly being injured, OR injuring myself.
- Being jealous and possessive.
- Trying to get vengeance.
- Being clingy, desperate or demanding.
- Acting different in the presence of someone with power, authority, wealth, importance or beauty.
- Being "two-faced", acting one way with one person, and differently with another person.