THE PATTERN PAGES
PATTERNS AND UNLOVING LIGHT
The Hidden Infestation
Any part of us that has been in denial is vulnerable to unloving light's imprint/influence. And any part of us that has been in denial - if it has been outside us, outside our acceptance, especially if it has been in the gap - has been touched by unloving light.
Unloving Light's favorite turf is the confusion and blindness of the patterns we live within. Since we've been so heavily conditioned not to look at what's hiding in the basement, and since we have so much of our own essence either missing or buried, it's a little like leaving the cellar door open for thieves to move in. Guilt, essence denied by others and looking for a home, unloving light, buggers and entities, all have an inroad to us through our denied pain.
And once they are in, they can use our patterns to act out on others and create havoc and MORE denial. Some of this unloving light activity just wants to have a home and wants to keep us in denial of what's in our basement so it will continue to have a place to live. But some actually feeds on denied emotions and uses our pain to cause fights, conflicts, misunderstandings, fear, and rage.
For instance, I have a better-than pattern that I feel running sometimes when I "speak my truth"... I feel it as my guru/queen wanting to speak her feelings and perceptions, and that's not wrong. But the pattern - which comes from the pain of being wrong, crazy, stupid, to blame, deserving to die - acts out on others in a "I know better than you" fashion. That pain was in a state of denial for a long time. Unloving light has an inroad to me there. Unloving light provokes my feelings of being wrong and stupid, which tweaks my rage and desire to SPEAK at all costs, and causes things to come out of my mouth in a twisted way. I feel it in the way I say things with an edge of anger, or judgment, or a hardness that sounds uncompromising and superior. And then, when people react to that with anger or withdrawing or some kind of closing up, the pattern can claim it has been validated. I am rejected, again, judged as stupid, crazy, wrong.
The result (in the pattern) is that I shut down and stop speaking. Unloving light has won. I have been made to feel wrong and silenced again, and I have probably hurt someone else, or triggered them into feelings of rage or not good enough. Unloving light pushes on everybody in every possible way. It pushes on us from the inside, using guilt and our own pain to entrench our patterns, and it pushes on others who respond to our patterns with rage or hatred from their own patterns.
Becoming aware of our patterns is one way that we can stop being manipulated by unloving light. Becoming aware of when others are acting out of their patterns is one way we can stop unloving light from creating more gaps between us. Many of the gaps and arguments that take place are simply two patterns fighting, and often the patterns are not even really fighting each other. They are fighting phantoms from our own past, projected on the screen in front of our eyes. Unloving light will try to keep these wars with illusionary enemies going as long as possible, and will actually try to provoke greater and greater gapping and arguing. Doesn't that make you mad as hell? Not only are we dealing with our own pain, and patterns that lock us up and keep us from being able to respond in new and creative ways, but we have a force outside ourselves that is feeding on our pain and actually trying to keep us enslaved to the patterns so we don't heal it.
We have to stop the insanity, drop down beneath the spinning record, and cry the pain that is causing it all. We have to take back our power, our spontaneity, our creativity. Once the pain is cried and the pattern is broken, once we have our own essence reclaimed from the pockets in the basement, unloving light can no longer control us or manipulate us. Its power is only over the pain, over the parts of us that are hurting, that we don't want to feel, that we have shoved away or buried or hidden. Once these parts are healed and owned and accepted by us, unloving light no longer has power over any part of us.