THE SECRET BATTLE: The Tools: Tool #2 - The Path of Tears
Crying Rage vs. Acting Out Rage
Rage, especially now, in this most crucial of times, is the most important emotion to heal. And yet, rage is one of the most misunderstood and misused emotions.
The misunderstandings about how to move rage are multitude.
Do you think you are releasing your rage when you scream in someone's face? Do you think you're releasing your rage when you use angry words in a scathing email? Do you think you're releasing rage when you pound a pillow?
Let me ask the most important question: Does it bring you to tears? Does any of that activity bring you to angry crying?
If not, then all your words and screaming and pounding is only acting it out.
You may get a certain amount of relief and release by the sheer activity of screaming or pounding. But the energy release you get here doesn't reach down to the deepest levels of the rage that needs healing. Do it, if it helps you, but if it never brings you to the deeper levels of rage healing, then you need to try something else. Do not be fooled into thinking you're doing all that can be done.
Ignition is the key, ignition is the goal. If any activity does not bring you to ignition, you're either spinning in the first step of emotional healing, or you're acting out your rage. You are not getting true release. And you will never find healing. Your rage will go on and on and on and seem to never end. The people you are raging at will eventually become tired of your abuse and walk away, BECAUSE IT NEVER CHANGES ... UNLESS YOU GET TO IGNITION.
Do They Deserve My Backlog?
It's important to remember that none of us is without emotional backlog. That may seem to be an obvious statement, but it's critical to remember when dealing with other people and rage expression. You may find yourself triggered by something a person says or does, but your reaction carries the weight of years and lifetimes of backlogged rage. Is it fair to throw the full weight of that baggage at the person in front of you? You might say, yes, it's fair, because THEY are the one who caused most of that rage, even years ago or lifetimes ago. And that may be true. But no matter how much you want to blast them and punish them with the full force of all your pent up rage, try to remember that the goal here is healing, not revenge.
Another important thing to remember is how hurtful it is to be the brunt of someone's blasting rage. When you're IN your rage, it's hard to remember what it's like to be in your soft heart. And blaming rage really doesn't care. Blaming rage believes it has the right to blast down others, regardless of their feelings. Blaming rage and tender heart need to cry together and come back together. Fragmented and alone from each other, they are incomplete.
Where Is My responsibility?
If you blast me with hurtful insults and screaming my heart will feel the stabbing wound. I can cry that hurt, but that does not mean I give you full permission to hurt me again here and now, over and over again, with your blaming rage. I commit to crying all the hurts that happened to me in the past, but I do not agree to allow someone to continue to hurt me in the present. Personally, I believe we should be focusing on healing the old hurts as much as possible, without inflicting new hurts. That is a choice that each person must make, a balance each person must find within themselves.
The most important thing to know about rage is that it has been in the gap in a state of denial for so long that it is laced through and through with denial spirits and unloving light. I do not mean that rage itself is unloving or bad. Rage is a vital part of us, we need it to live. But at the present time, unloving energy has control of almost all the rage that is still in denial.
What does that mean?
It means that rage will demand to be allowed to blast and act out. Rage will say it has to use hurtful words in order to express. Rage will accuse others of not accepting it and of denying it, and even of being Luciferian if they don't allow rage to call names and hurl insults and yell sarcastic personal remarks. Rage insists that THAT is the only way it can get true expression. But the truth is, rage does not know itself. Rage only sees the long years of suppression and compression. Rage only sees its own "rightness". Rage does not care if it hurts others, in fact it WANTS to hurt somebody. Rage feels justified in hurting others. Rage is still very much a toddler in its own healing.
There is, then, a need to be somewhat parental to rage, as much as possible. Rage does need expression, very badly. Compressed and suppressed rage cause all kinds of problems in our bodies, and in the gap, and can do great harm in a state of denial. Rage must be allowed to move. But to allow it to express wherever IT says it must, and HOWEVER it says it must, is a mistake. Because of the influence of unloving light, rage expression that begins by blasting outwardly rarely reaches ignition. That is because the unloving light has an agenda of a) keeping true release from happening, and b) doing as much damage to others as possible along the way, thereby perpetuating the gap and causing a lot of people who start on this path to doubt its validity.
I'm not asking you to stop raging. I'm asking that you stop pretending to get to the feelings. I'm asking you to stop acting out and REALLY get to the feelings. As long as you act them out, and believe that it's doing you some good, you'll never really get to it.
And the world needs you to get to it!!! Look around you, look at the rage being acted out all around you! There is very little difference between the energy that blasts and kills and the energy that blasts and calls names. It's just a matter of degree. Both are rage ACTING OUT, taking action, instead of really being released and healed through rageful tears.
Once you start really crying your rage, you will be able to pull back in to yourselves the pieces of your rage that you have denied. Those pieces that are outside of you, outside your control, outside your love. They act out wildly, blindly raging. They LONG for your acceptance. They ACHE for expression. They continue to act out because it's the only outlet they have, but, it's not true release. Like an addiction, they'll need more and more, the level of violence and acting out will grow and grow.
I'm not trying to give you rules and regulations. There is no hard and fast rule to follow here. The main thing is to ask yourself the question, am I getting to tears? Am I getting to ignition? If you're having trouble getting to tears, you might need to try some helpful techniques to get around your own resistance.
I have had many people question the idea of rageful tears. I've even had some people accuse me of being confused about the emotion I was crying. One person even told me flat out she thought I was wrong, that I was NOT getting true rage expression by crying. Since she's never seen me do this in real life, I can understand her disbelief.
Most adults believe that crying is only for expressing grief. Many people seem to think that pounding and screaming are the truest and deepest expressions of rage. That is simply not true.
Find an infant and spend several days with him/her. Watch and listen. You will see how rage gets expressed when there are no words. There will be screaming, yes. And physical movement, gyrations, fists pounding, face red, etc. And there will be tears.
Perhaps this is partly because an infant doesn't draw lines around his/her feelings. A baby doesn't try to separate anger from hurt from hunger from fear. It all flows out naturally, often intermingling and intertwined. But adults will try to protect the powerful feeling of rage, by isolating rage from it's siblings - hurt or terror or heartbreak. Babies know no such distinctions. They feel it all, and they cry it all.
That's your guideline. Become as a little child. Let it flow out of you naturally. Without words. Even without action. Our bodies know how to do this process naturally. As adults, we must remember. When rage says it must use words, it lies. Words are not necessary at all. Watch the babies, and re-learn how to let your feelings flow.
Rage & Dark Consciousness