THE PATTERN PAGES
The Worrier, Paranoia & False Consciousness
We have become so separated from the true source of our fear, that we no longer remember why we are afraid.
But terror has to try to identify the source of the pain. Terror wants to feel as if it has some control, some way to prevent the pain from happening again. Disconnected from the past memories of what happened, terror scrambles this way and that, clinging to this thing or that, worrying about everything and anything, always in a state of searching to find and control the real source of fear.
From Worra Worra to Phobias
Some people with this pattern present as very fearful people, worried about everything, the mouse-type people. No solution can be given, no help offered, that they won't find a reason why it won't work, or they can't do it, or something bad will happen as a result. These are the Worra Worra people. Terror is dispersed and somewhat diffused, but hasn't yet taken the face of outright danger.
In some the pattern overshadows everything. The fears are so widely dispersed and intense that everything holds the potential for harm or danger. They become truly paranoid and begin to live isolated lives.
In some people the pattern remains somewhat isolated. They have managed to contain the terror and can actually function in society and family life quite well... until a situation arises that the terror identifies with, and then all hell breaks loose. We call these isolated fears phobias, but all that has happened here is that the terror has focused itself in one place, identified THAT as the thing to be afraid of. It's a coping mechanism that allows the person to be free of terror in other areas of their lives, but so much concentrated terror in one place does make them seriously handicapped in whatever area the fear is focusing on.
Fragmented Terror and False Consciousness
In an ideal circumstance, terror would tell consciousness what it fears, it would express as raw, screeching, howling, crying emotion until it was able to become words and either identify the true source of its fear, whereupon action could be taken to move away or stop the cause, or the feeling of fear would dissipate and no action would be needed.
However, what happened, what continues to happen, is that terror gets stifled, is not allowed to express, is condemned and scorned and judged as stupid, silly, weak. Terror goes into hiding, but it does not go away.
Terror sits in the dark, trembling, shivering, afraid but not knowing how or why or how to make it stop. Terror increases when it can't find the source of pain, can't find an identifiable enemy. Terror fears having no control, no way to stop the pain from happening again. Denied terror fragments, freezes and spins.
This fragmented terror bleeds itself into madness, left alone in the dark without any consciousness. Disconnected from the past, from consciousness and heart, it sees the world as a dangerous place filled with evil and enemies.
When it can find no enemy, it creates enemies. It sees enemies everywhere. This level of terror can be fooled and is easily influenced. Asuras, denial spirits, Lucifer, Ahriman ... even other Spirits ... all can insert false consciousness into these parts. False consciousness manipulates terror by building false structures and reasonings and beliefs and enemies in order to explain the terror and fool terror into feeling it has understanding and control.
These fragmented parts have been harvested, used, abused, misused, and made confused. They are vulnerable to all and any, because they have no way to know for certain what is true or false, what is real or unreal. They have accepted the influence of a false consciousness. False consciousness can even show me pictures of real enemies, but keeps me running from my terror instead of expressing it and healing it. Maybe even shows me truth mixed with lies, to keep me confused and ever-off-balance.
The false mind tries to keep me spinning in the terror. It lies to me, it shows me the enemy, it sets up criteria whereby I might be safe, and then prods me to the build "safe" structures - mental, physical, emotional structures, to wall myself in.
But it's all a lie. The problem and the pain is real, but the solutions of the false mind are a lie.
I have been driven by the terror of the formless terror, the terror that is fear of NOT KNOWING, NOT UNDERSTANDING, to understand, to try to define, to seek the source of my terror. I followed the false mind and it's false promises, believing it would lead me to courage and sanity.
It was a lie. It kept me clenched around my terror. I believe now it's purpose has been to keep me from expressing this terror, keep me spinning in an eternal search for understanding, meaning, a sense of control, but always keeping the truth just out of my reach.
The only solution is to cry the terror, the real, frozen, long-buried, primordial terror.
As I cry these parts that have been lost in primordial terror, they are allowing me to FEEL the difference between where my consciousness and perceptions and love to know are real and true, and where I am being misled by a false consciousness, a false need to know, or a lie that simply sends me spinning into paranoia.
When structures of knowing have only served to stop me from being able to bring these parts in and cry them, or when they act out on others to make me better-than and others less-than, that's how I can know they're false. Or maybe they're not false, but since they're working AGAINST my getting in touch with and moving the terror, it's not helpful for me to hang onto them. The difference lies in the feeling of it, and only when I'm done crying all the terror will I feel like I really know anything.
My job today is to stop trying to know anything. To bring these parts in from the cold dark, cry their terror. The consciousness that I have will serve to shelter us from the cold while we cry and heal. I will let my feelings tell me what is true. My consciousness can grow with my feelings as our guide.
My job is to focus on healing all my parts, on bringing them all into my CORE. For that is the only place where I can find true understanding.